Even Angels Make Mistakes!
by bunny chan Ginny
Summary: Bossy Muggle teenager Melissa is dead. This is, understandably, something she is quite annoyed about. And believe me, Heaven isn't overjoyed about it either. But that's nothing to how Hogwarts will feel, when Melissa accidentally ends up there on a very i
1. This Cannot Be Happening!

Love In Idleness

Even Angels Make Mistakes!

By bunny chan & Ginny :)

We [being bunny chan and Ginny :)] decided to co- write a fic, for reasons not even known to ourselves. This first part isn't very HP- ish, but this part is essential to the story, and the rest _will_ have all the usual HP characters in it! 

We own Melissa Johnns, Faye, Nadia, Clover Evans, Azzel, and various angels :) JKRowling owns Neville and Snape, and the other characters who will turn up later! Neville owns Trevor. 

Our thanks to hermione potter for beta- ing! 

This is our first co- written fic, so please do read & review! And check out some of our individual work if you enjoyed this! 

Cheers! 

~ bunny chan & Ginny :) 

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Melissa was in a bad mood. A real temper. Why shouldn't she be allowed to go out? She was 14! Old enough to look after herself! Why shouldn't she go and see her friends? But no, mum said 9pm was too late for a girl her age to be out! Of all the things..!   
"I'm going!" She screamed, seething, from her front door, "And you can't stop me!"  
"You come right back here now, Melissa Daphne Johnns--" began her father, but Melissa slammed the door in his face.  
She clutched her leather jacket round her shoulders, and wished that she had something other then the skimpy little top under it, now that she was, indeed, out in the cold.  
"Mel!"  
She glanced up. Across the road, her best friends, Faye and Nadia waved, beaming.  
"Hey!" she greeted them back.  
Melissa raced across the road. She didn't see the car coming. She hardly heard the blare of it's horn, or the yells of Nadia and Faye. She only felt the thud of the car, as it hit her. She fell to the floor, and then stood up again, dazed.  
"It's OK, I'm all right. Why don'cha watch where you're going, you silly sod?" she shouted at the car.  
"Ohmigod...!" a young man raced out of the car, gasping, "Ohmigod... I didn't see her... I didn't know... Ohmigod, I'm so sorry... she just ran out..."  
"Wha'?" Melissa blinked at him. She wondered vaguely where Nadia and Faye were.  
"I'll go and phone 999!" Melissa spun round. It was Faye who had spoken, her face taught- looking, "You stay here, Nad. I've run outa credit on my mobile."  
"Why? I'm OK, you doughnut!" Melissa frowned. Then she looked down. At her own body. Nadia was staring, white- faced, at the blood on the floor that surrounded Melissa.  
Melissa didn't know why, but she didn't feel horrified, or even upset. Just... mildly surprised, and angry.  
"What a bloody cheek!" She glared at the young man, annoyed "Look, mister, look what you did! That jacket was brand new, you effing fool, cost a bloody fortune! Mum'll kill me!"  
The young man was trying to comfort Nadia now, who was shaking like a leaf. Neither he or Nadia even looked in the direction of the furious Melissa.  
"Oh, that's right, help her but ignore me!" She was growing increasingly irritated, "I know your type! Jeez! Well, there's no hope to be had here. Idiots." She turned, and stalked off down the neon- lit street, scowling heavily.  
She didn't see the ambulance arrive. She didn't see her body being loaded into it. She knew that she was dead, even before they arrived, somehow. It didn't seem to matter, for some reason. It was just something she accepted.  
And, the odd thing was, it was even more frustrating then being alive, because no one could see you. What was the point in that? She'd spent one who flipping hour getting ready, and now--  
"Hello, Melissa."  
"What?!" This wasn't supposed to happen, was it?  
"Hello, Melissa Johnns" the voice repeated, and Melissa realised that the speaker was a young woman, who was watching her. Melissa stared. 

The woman had the kind of dress that was supposed to be worn by princesses languishing in far- off stair-less, lift- less towers. She had the kind of bright green eyes that can usually only be achieved by getting contact lenses from the Gadget Shop, and her skin had a pearly sheen to it that could only usually have been simulated by using too much expensive soap. Her red hair had reached the amount fly- away staticness that only happens if you brush it 100 times a day with a soft- bristle brush. A golden harp was clutched under her arm.  
"What?!" Melissa repeated, with a bite of blank impatience in her voice.  
"You - as you can see - are dead," the young woman said, waving her white hand at the passing ambulance.  
"Oh, please, do these look like eyes to you? And am I blind? I think not! Stop stating the obvious!" Melissa said with sarcasm.  
"Well, your pupils seem a little blank there, so I assume you are blind," the woman replied, gazing at her intently.   
"So what do you want? I tell you, this is a rotten day for me. I just died! And oh, who the hell cares about that? I died and probably that's the best thing-" Melissa stopped. She stared at the woman. "Wait. I died, so how can you see me?"   
"You are coming with me," the lady sighed, holding her head.  
"What the heck is going on in here?" Melissa yelled. This is getting horribly irritating. Intensely irritating. Especially to a person who had just died, killed by some lousy driver who probably hadn't even a license.  
"Melissa Johnns, you are coming with me. Why am I assigned to this?" the lady said, sighing.  
"Look, lady, I am following no strangers around, even if I'm dead. And I am _definitely_ not taking any orders from you," Melissa said, fury bubbling in her.  
"You are coming with me," she repeated, firmly.  
"What? No! I mean, Heaven right? It's all people playing the harp, singing  
in choirs- I bet they've never even heard of Eminem!- and watering pot  
plants, and listening to Gardener's Question Time, and--!"   
"Well, that's not completely necessary. Come on, Melissa."   
"Well, I'm not wearing a dress like yours," Melissa scowled stubbornly, "I'd die before I wore a dress like that!"   
"You already did, Melissa. You don't need a nice dress. Come on, hurry!" Melissa gave the lady a withering look. Was it her fault that the skirt she was wearing happened to be short and sparkly?  
"You are damn irritating! I mean, come on! Give the dead some peace, would you? I just died and I don't feel like being in place of that bloke there!" Melissa said, jerking her head at the place where the driver had knocked her down.  
"Well, understandably," the lady nodded, "now, Melissa, I advise you to come before I have to take serious action."   
"Oh yeah? Like what?" Melissa raised her eyebrows at the lady, "I don't even know who the heck you are! Mum said never to go with strangers, and they don't come much stranger then you!"  
"I am Clover Evans. Now come on!" Clover Evens noticed the expression on Melissa's face, "You do realise that Rule 47, Paragraph 2, of the Angel's Code Of Conduct says that force may be used to get someone to Heaven or similar, if they are not willing to co- operate?" 

"What makes you think I care about your minging Code Of Conduct? Sorry, but dream on!" Melissa turned on her heel, and made to walk away.  
"I apologise for this in advance, Melissa," said Clover, "You were warned." 

She brought her harp down sharply onto Melissa's head. Which just goes to show, angel's harps are a lot more useful then they'd have you know.  


~*~  


Neville crept into the Gryffindor dormitory. His detention with Snape had just ended, fifteen minutes before midnight. He'd spent the whole evening scrubbing desks clean of newt entrails. He hated Snape, the bullying git. Neville hadn't meant to get the pixie dust mixed up with the fairy wings! He didn't realise that it would make his potion explode...! Why did these things always happen to him?!  
He changed into his pyjamas, which had been a present from his great aunt, and had red fire engines on them. He loathed them. Still, it was better then that yellow lunch- box she'd given him. It had had a mouse in a jolly sailor suit on the front.  
He clambered into his 4- poster bed, and drew the curtains around it. Something was buzzing around inside. Neville was too tired to care. He flopped down onto his pillow, snuggled up in his duvet, Trevor asleep next to his pillow.  
"G'night, Trevor..." Neville murmured sleepily.  
"Ribbit," said Trevor.  
10 seconds to midnight... 9.... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1...  
"Ow!" Neville brought has hand down sharply onto his face, where he had felt a prick of pain, as though something had stung or bitten him. He rubbed his cheek. Ow... what the heck was that? Must have been whatever had been making that buzzing noise. Still, the it had stopped, and he supposed he'd be OK. Neville turned over in bed, and fell asleep almost at once.  
  
~*~  
  
Melissa woke up. She always liked that period, the moment of waking, when her head was so full of flowers, fluffy clouds, kittens, snowflakes and sunbeams. And her head hurt.  
Why were there so many people in her room all of a sudden?  
"Jennifer! If that's your stupid tea party with your damn toys, I'm coming right after you!" Melissa muttered tiredly. She felt someone shaking her.  
"Get lost, Jasper!"  
"Melissa Johnns? Are you awake?" a voice called. Melissa jumped up at once.  
"Who the heck are you? What the heck are you doing in my room?" Melissa yelled. Clover, who shook Melissa awake, stood back in fright. She relaxed after a while. "Melissa, this isn't your room," said Clover, gently, "This is Heaven. Come, why not I show you around first?"  
"What did you do to me? Ah!!! My hair!!! What have you done?" Melissa cried in fright. She fingered her mud-brown hair; its original colour.  
"'Rule 8034, Paragraph 6 of the Angel Code of Conduct: No fanciness allowed,'" Clover said strictly.  
Melissa glanced down and let out a scream so loud that half the angels were staring at her.  
"My clothes!!!! Did you know how much that cost me???"   
"Approximately, quite so."  
"Good. Now GIVE IT BACK TO ME!"  
"Sorry, no will do. How about you walk around. I'm sure that'll do you good," Clover said gently.  
She left the place swiftly before Melissa could even open her mouth. Cursing under her breath, Melissa got up and started a stroll around the so-call Heavens. It was as they'd described it. Cloud platforms (hmm. Fluffy), beautiful gardens of flowers (disgusting, toxicating smell), the harp playing and the choir group.  
Maybe she should check out that choir group.  
"Peace be with God and Men~" the sang sweetly. Their voices were high and sweet. They rather reminded Melissa of the blackbirds in spring.  
"Yuck. That is one old song there," Melissa winced. "Hey you! Why not I teach you some cool songs?"  
The conductor paused and the group turned to her in puzzlement.   
"Vot, may I know, dos she mean?" the conductor asked.   
"She wants to teach us a new song!" a little one piped in.  
"Izzit real, Azzel?"  
"Absolutely so," Azzel replied.  
"You may start," the conductor said. Melissa smiled confidently and drew in her breath....  
  
~*~  
  
"...And your total demerit points are now negative 627, from the positive 1000," a young angel with golden curls and fine feathered wings said, holding a scroll in her hands. "First, you wrecked a choir singing group with a blasting Eminem song. Next, fifteen roses, twenty sunflowers, twelve lilies, thirteen daisies, thirty four clovers and fifty violet gardens were downright destroyed. Right after that, a hundred eardrums were aching from the Eminem song. Your crime for destroying the Heavenly Kitchen was even heavier. And-" 

"Hold a second. Demerit points?" Melissa asked blankly.   
"Exactly. Now, where was I? Oh, yes! Sixteen harps were broken down, thirteen flutes were destroyed, fifteen pianos were out of order and-"  
"I know exactly what I did, bimbo, you needn't remind me. Say, what the hell happened to-" Melissa was cut almost at once.  
"Five thousand points!" the arch angel cried at once.   
"What the hell did I do now?" Melissa demanded. Living in heaven wasn't as easy as she had expected. Especially when demerit points are counted upon you.  
"Ten thousand!" the little angel cried.  
"What did I do?????" Melissa demanded. "Tell me everything, you obnoxiously idiotic moron!"  
"How dare you! Say so before me!" the angel cried. "For that, you shall be punished!"  
"Someone said something?" an angel came into view. "Anyway, orders from Headquarters. Send an angel this instance to Hogwarts. Mission explained later."  
Melissa gaped. What are they talking about?  
The arch angel, however, was red with rage. She instantly called out the name that first came into her mind.  
Melissa Johnns. 

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Please read and review! It's much appreciated! :) 


	2. Better then nothing...?

Even Angels Make Mistakes

Even Angels Make Mistakes!

By bunny chan & Ginny :)

Here goes part 2!!! Please don't murder us... Part 3 coming as soon as we write it! :) Please do take a little time to review! 

~bunny chan & Ginny :) 

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"Me?!" Melissa looked at the little angel, astonished and annoyed "Why _me_?!" 

The new comer regarded her critically, "So, you're Melissa Johnns, are you?" 

"Well, yes, but--" 

"Come along, then. To Head Quarters at once, girl. Raphael wants to see you." 

"But-" began the arch angel, pushing a stray curl off of her forehead, "I didn't mean-" 

"Do be quiet," ordered the new angel, "And be off with you." 

The little angel blinked uncertainly at him, "Look here, Tristam," she tried again, "I mean to say-" 

But no one was listening. Melissa found herself being shooed along by Tristam, into a large, tidy room, where the walls were apparently made of clouds. Here and there, a little bunny rabbit sat, nibbling away. Melissa, in a fit of bad temper, kicked one. She had a feeling that she might earn a few extra negative Demerit points for that. Hah. 

An extremely stern- looking Lord- angel sat, his fingertips pressed together in a manner that Melissa thought should be made illegal, behind a table covered with a snowy white cloth. Melissa had no choice but to assume this was Raphael. She slumped into the chair opposite him, and sat there, scowling. 

"So... you're the Angel that's been chose to do our mission?" Raphael looked at her, with much the same expression of distaste as Tristam had first turned on her. 

"Yeah, looks like it," Melissa shrugged. 

"I have to say... you don't look the type but..." he seemed to shrug off his doubts "Oh well, I'm sure that whoever sent you knows what they're doing." 

"Er-" 

"Good good. I suppose you know what's expected of you?" 

"Well... no," Melissa admitted, "should I?" 

"You should," confirmed Raphael, "I suppose I shall have to explain it. The Angel's Council is really going downhill these days..." 

"Er," said Melissa, not quite daring to be rude to this far more imposing Lord- Angel. 

"Anyhow, moving on," he continued, "Your Divine Mission is to be sent to Hogwarts School Of Witch- craft and Wizardry. Once there-" 

"Hang on a mo; Hogwarts School Of Witch- craft And Wizardry? As in Harry Potter? As in those loopy books my little brother worships? You're mad!" 

Lord Angels are never mad, Melissa. It is you who is mad. Minus 50 demerit points." He looked even more stern then before, which, Melissa thought, must be quite difficult all things considered. 

"You're sending me to a fictional school of Magic, and you're telling me that you're not mad! For some reason, I really don't buy that!" 

"Be quiet, girl," he snapped, "of course it's real. Now, the mission. You-" 

"This is stupid! Bloody Hell! You lot are in- bloody- sane!" 

Raphael seemed to grow to 50 times his usual size. His eyes glowed red. His face was contorted with fury. You obviously did not cross Lord Angels. Melissa shrank back. 

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry.." she muttered resentfully, "Sheesh!" Lord Angels were obviously not all they were cracked up to be on Earth; having the patience of a saint never came into it in reality. 

Rapheal still looked at her with dislike, but returned to more or less normal. Melissa decided not to cross him again. He looked as though next time he'd do something both of them would really regret. 

"If you don't watch what you are doing, Melissa Daphne Johnns," he told her, using all 3 of her names; a sure sign that she was in Trouble, "Your worst nightmare will come true. And you needn't think I don't know what they are..." he gave her a black look. Melissa muttered something inaudible. 

"Tristam!" The Lord Angel suddenly shouted, "I have no more patience with the girl. You tell her of the Divine Mission. I will have to have a word with that little Arch Angel friend of hers..." He flew off, muttering. Melissa almost laughed. That little arch angel had been incredibly annoying, obsessed with Demerit points and all. 

"Er... yes, hello," Tristam said, standing next to her. He was looking hesitant, less bossy then before, maybe because he didn't know exactly what he was doing, "Well, yes, the, er, Mission," he tried to put on a buissnesslike tone of voice, "You are going to be sent to Hogwarts- don't interrupt, girl- and your duty will be to protect a boy. Harry, er, Potter, I believe. I don't suppose you read the books?" he looked hopeful. Melissa gave him a Look that said 'yeah, right, like I'd spend my spare time _reading_' and he quailed under her gaze. 

"I didn't think so," he admitted, going a bit pink, "Well, there's a, er, evil... person called Voldemort. Or something. And... you've got to protect Harry Potter against him. And it won't be easy. Oh dear," the Arch Angel pushed a lock of hair off of his face "I don't really know anything else... um... well, it'll all become clear. I hope. And Rapheal said that if you muck it up, you will be forced to spend the rest of your life watering potplants and attending flower- arranging classes. And learning raffia- work. And if you lose more then another 1000 demerit points, you will be sent to the AWMAMAI school. That's the Angels With Mentally Abused Minds and Attitudes and Incurable Manners School. It says that in the Angel Code Of Conduct, Rule 7434, Paragraph 43. Um. Bye?" He suggested finally. 

Before Melissa could say anything else, he had snapped his fingers and... she was at Hogwarts School Of Watchcraft And Wizardry. Or so she supposed. It didn't look as if she had a choice. She really must be going mad; Well, that was one way to spend an afternoon. 

She was in a class room. Although it wasn't like any classroom at her old school, which had contained walls painted in a colour that might once have been white, which had grotty brown plastic tiling on the floor, and bright wall displays designed by over- enthusiastic year 7s all over the place. 

This room was dark and shadowy. The walls and floor were made of stone, and had something unpleasant and green growing out of random cracks. Any colourful wall displays here wouldn't have lasted a minute before being overtaken with green slime. It was full of students, all labouring over... could it be?... _cauldrons _?! Well, this was something new. 

Melissa stared around suspiciously. She had the feeling that something wasn't right. And which one as Harry Potter? Why did she have to look after him, of all people? She tried to remember some of what her little brother might have said about him, but memory failed. This didn't look promising. 

She didn't know anyone here, and everyone ignored her. She wondered how many other students had guardian angels, or whether it was just herself and Potter. Stuck together. Things weren't made any better when a simple- looking, small, roudfaced boy, who had apparently had his hair done at B&Q, decided to stare at her, gormlessly. 

Neville was also feeling uneasy. Ever since he'd woken up in the morning, he'd been seeing people that weren't there. Well, that's not to say that they really weren't there, it's just... no one else could see them. Or if they could, they ignored them. 

He hadn't tried talking to any yet, but one, who seemed to spend a lot of time around Justin Finch- Fletchley, a cheerful- looking girl of about 18 with curly fair hair and a terrifying grin that showed her eye-teeth, had winked at him. It was all rather confusing, not to mention disturbing. He hadn't winked back. 

And now, something impossible had just happened. 

A girl with dark brown hair, dressed in a floaty white dress heavily embroidered with cream coloured flowers, had just appeared in the middle of the room. As she put her hands on her hips to give him the death stare, he noticed inch- long nails, painted silver. She had the blackest scowl he had ever seen from anyone- including Malfoy and Snape- and grubby but feathery white wings. Despite her expression, there was something almost... celestial about her. Or there would have been, only the effect of the dress, wings and pearly halo shine to her, was rather spoilt by the girl's blue hooped earrings, and a leather jacket sported over the top of her flowing white garment. 

She continued to glare at him. He stared back, open mouthed. 

"What're you looking at?" 

"N- nothing..." 

"Yes you are. Liar." 

"Sorry." 

"Yeah, right, whatever," Melissa suddenly remembered something fairly important, "I'm dead," she said, "so... how come you can see me?" 

"You're dead?! You can't be. I... I'm going mad. You're a figment of my imagination..." 

"Don't be bloomin' soft. I'm as real as you are, mate," she crossed her arms across her chest and scowled. 

The boy seemed to be fighting with his common sense. Somewhere, something was telling him that she was being truthful, but every other part of him seemed to think otherwise. 

"I... don't think you can be real, no offence," he blinked earnestly at her, "I mean to say--" 

"Longbottom!" Snape came sweeping over to Neville's cauldron, like an over- sized bat. 

"Yes, Professor?" 

"Who are you talking to?" Snape snapped. 

"Me. Gotta problem with that, mister?" Melissa looked at him pugnaciously. 

"I'm waiting for an answer, Longbottom." Of course, he ignored her. 

"I, er... n, no one, Professor, sir," he stuttered, trying to ignore Melissa mockingly imitating him behind Snape's back, "I mean... myself, sir. I was talking to myself." 

"It's the only way I can be sure of intelligent conversation round here," put in Melissa, "talking to myself." Neville managed to keep a straight face. 

"Really Longbottom? I don't believe you. 10 points from Gryffindor." He swept away. 

Melissa fired an imaginary air rifle after him, and then turned her attention back to Neville, "Do you believe I'm real then, or not, boy?" 

"No," he muttered out the corner of his mouth, "go away, _please_. You're getting me in trouble." 

"Fine then!" She yelled, annoyed. She had had enough of people acting like she was stupid, "Don't believe me! Why will people not believe I exist?!" In a fit of pique, Melissa tipped Neville's sleeping potion to the floor, "I want to know this," she continued, "because it is bloody annoying! Argh!" She let out one final shriek, and stalked out, seething. 

It was rather unfortunate that, as always, Neville's sleeping potion was wrong. Not one person looked in the least bit tired, but began sprouting boils all over their feet and ankles. 

"It wasn't me!" Was all that he could think of to say, as Professor Snape made his threatening way towards him... 

~*~  


Melissa stomped out of the Potions dungeons and into an empty classroom. She pull the door open and quickly shut it back in a haste.  


"Uh, sorry for disturbing you!" She murmured hurriedly.   


Then she hit herself. She was dead! An angel, of all the embarrassing things! With some stupid mission to protect some stupid fictional celebrity kid from a fictional character in a fictional world, no less! No one could possibly see her, except that weird little round-faced boy back in the dungeons. Melissa cautiously opened the door again.  


"What the hell--?! Clover, what are you doing here?" Melissa yelled, annoyed. She'd rather hoped to have escaped Clover once and for all.  


The kissing couple turned to her and blushed through their pearly skin.  


"Hi! Are you Melissa Daphne Johnns?" the girl, who looked like Clover, asked, smiling embaressedly.  


"No need to say my middle name, for crap's sake! Who're you?" Melissa demanded. The man raised an eyebrow.  


"Y'know kid, you don't look a day over fifteen," said he, as if it were a crime, Melissa thought. She grinned inside herself, pleased all the same. She was only just fourteen.  


"What the hell d'you expect then? Thirty?" She replied sarcastically.  


"I'm Lily Potter. He's James Potter," Lily Potter said. Melissa looked up at the name 'Potter' in vague interest.  


"Are you related to this kid called Harry Potter?" Melissa asked.  


"Related? We're his parents! Died though, in Voldemort's saddest day in history," James said, "not much fun, as you'd imagine."  


"You're the angel they just sent, right? Your charge is a boy called Neville Longbottom. Haven't you met him yet?" Lily asked.  


"I don't know... But I was told to protect this kid called Harry Potter! What the Hell is Heaven is playing at?" Melissa demanded.  


"Correction. We are the ones in charge of him, although we're not exactly guardian angels. Well, I'm not," James said, picking his nose. Lily winced, as did Melissa.  


"Neville," Lily said in exasperation, "is your charge. Like they'd let anyone but us look after Harry!" She gave Melissa a Look suggesting that she was the last person on earth she'd trust with her son.  


"You looked like this angel in Heaven called Clover Evans," Melissa remarked, rubbing a bruise on her head, "And she is extremely violent. I didn't know they used harps for that. That's something they never mentioned in the Bible, huh. They could at least warn us!"  


"Clover? Where?" Lily cried frantically, looking worried "I can't stand her!"  


"Up. Heaven. Place where God lives. You go there when you die. Know where I mean? Good. Now tell me where the Heck to find this bloody Neville kid," Melissa growled.  


"We just moved in," James said.  


"Yeah, whatever, just tell me what he look like!" Melissa demanded. Lily and James stared at each other.  


"Well, for starters, he's small, he has a round face..."   
  
***   
  
"--And get them done by five. Or no dinner for you," Snape sneered unpleasantly, slamming the door.  


Neville jumped right out of his skin in pure fright. He glanced nervously at the nearby clock. How could he, fast as he was, finish pulling the legs off 100 cockroaches in just five minutes? But still, Neville sighed, everything is worth a try. And he didn't have a choice anyway.   


"Hey," a voice said suddenly.  


"What?" Neville asked, looking around blankly. Melissa stared at him, upside down. Neville let out a small yelp.  


"Hey, stop the yelling! My drums aren't as immune as that old man's there," Melissa growled.  


"W- What are you doing here? Okay, okay, I get it! I get it!! You're just my imagination!!!" Neville said, laughing nervously. Having conversations with people no one else could see was not a good sign.  


"Look, kiddie, are you Neville Longbottom?" Melissa asked impatiently.  


"Yes. What do you want with me, Imagination?" Neville asked.  


"I'm not any stupid imagination! I'm Melissa Johnns, your supposed guardian angel, and bloody annoyed about it," Melissa informed him dryly.  


"Guardian ... Angel? You?" Neville repeated slowly, doubtfully. If she was his guardian angel, why did she get him into this detention? Some guardian she was!  


"Yes! Now let's get this hell of a job cleaned up." Melissa grumbled.  


Neville stared at her in amazement. In the first place, do guardian angels help pull off cockroach legs? Or, for that matter, get his or her charge into trouble? 

This Melissa girl mightn't be the best Guardian he could have hoped for, but she was better then nothing, right? Uhm... well. Probably. 

____________________________________________________________________________________________Ting Tang Diddle Eye Poe! 

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	3. He is Talking To ME!!!!!!

Even Angels Make Mistakes! Part 3

by bunny chan & Ginny :)

Neville and Melissa joined the dinner table late. Luckily, the silver plates were still full of food, because, much to Melissa's interest, they refilled themselves every time they were emptied. 

Neville sat down at the Gryffindor table, and Melissa perched herself next to him. She was mildly surprised to learn that she wasn't very hungry, but decided to make the best of a good thing, and piled her plate with steak and kidney pie, gravy, King Edwards and corn on the cob. 

Yum... food... she bit into a fork-full of pie. Or rather, she tried to. She just... passed through it. 

"Good, isn't it?" Neville asked tactlessly, stuffing his mouth with buttered sweetcorn. 

"Excuse me?" Melissa gave him a Look. He didn't seem to be having in trouble eating it. 

"I said, Good, isn't it?" 

Melissa tried again. 

"No," she said, putting down her fork, in irritation, "Not really." She stared around, annoyed, but determined to stay calm until she knew for sure. She tried to see if there was anyone else in the hall that might be dead, or even better, an angel. There were a few. None of them were even trying to eat. She accosted one on the same table as her, a very tall man with red hair, who was apparently somewhere in his 50s, who was talking to another angel, a sandy- hared woman with an Irish accent. 

"S'cuse _me_," Melissa interrupted their banter, "but can either of you eat any of this mingin' food?" 

The woman laughed heartily, but didn't reply. Melissa glared at her, definitely annoyed. 

"No, none of us can eat," the man gave her a slightly mocking smile, "We're dead. Why would we need to?" 

"Call me crazy," Melissa scowled, "but I rather enjoyed eating." 

The man shrugged, "You'll soon get used to it. Now," he turned back to the woman, "Henny, about your Seamus..." 

Melissa couldn't be bothered to argue, but turned to Neville glaring at him so hard he shrank back a little. 

"Please don't look like that," he complained, "It's not my fault." 

"Did I say it was?" She snapped, "No. Exactly." 

"Um," said Neville, then, "Why are you my gardian angel?" 

"I don't have a bleedin' _clue_," Melissa informed him, with perfect truth, "They just stuck me here. With _you_," she uttered the last syllable as though it was a swear word. 

"Sorry," Neville said. 

"What for?" 

He shrugged, "You just seem to think this is all my fault." 

"Damned if I know whose fault this is. All I know is, being dead is hellishly annoying." 

"I don't want to die." 

"What makes you think that I wanted to?" 

"Er..?" 

"I had loadsa friends, a boyfriend or two, cool clothes, and everything, but, just my luck, an idiot decides to run me over!" 

"I'm sure he didn't mean to," Neville said, diplomatically. 

"'Mean to' doesn't come into it," Melissa informed him dryly. 

"Er, Neville?" a girl with thick brown hair and a worried expression came across from her seat, accompanied by two boys. 

"Oh, hello Hermione, hi Harry, hi Ron," Neville greeted the newcomers cheerfully. 

"Are you all right?" the girl, Hermione, frowned at him. 

"Yes, thanks. Never better." 

"Neville..." the dark hared boy, who Melissa supposed must be Harry Potter, since he looked so like James, asked, "Who are you talking to?" 

"Melissa," said Neville without thinking. Next to him, Melissa smacked herself in the forehead. What an idiot! 

"Melissa." Repeated the other boy, who had red hair, and who could only be Ron. 

"Oh, er, did I say Melissa?" Stammered Neville, "I mean, uh, myself. Yes. I was talking... to myself." 

"Nice recovery," Melissa rolled her eyes sarcastically. Neville shrugged hopelessly back at her. 

"Are you quite sure you're all right?" repeated Hermione, "Only, you were talking to yourself all through potions, too, and--" 

"Me? I'm _fine_. Er." 

"Well, if you're sure..." Harry gave him a last worried glance, before all 3 returned to their respective lives. 

"Blooming busybodies," Melissa complained. 

"They're OK, really" Neville assured her, "Hermione's really nice." He avoided Melissa's eye. 

"I can imagine," she answered dryly, "Well, _they _ think you've gone mad. And that teacher bloke, too. Huh. Why'd I get stuck with you?" Neville didn't answer, but thought that the feeling was entirely mutual. Melissa continued, still exasperatedly annoyed, "I mean, why me, for a start? This is pretty harsh on _me_! I just DIED! Imagine that! Before I knew what happened, I was bonked on the head by some stupid angel's harp. Brought to Heaven, got my dimerit points down to negative who-the-hell-cares-about-the-damned-amount, and sent here and--"   
"You have dimerit points in Heaven?" Neville said in amazement.   
"Just who are you talking to, Neville? You really shouldn't talk to yourself, you know," Seamus Finnigan said in deep concern.   
"Um, no one. No one in particular," Neville replied nervously. Melissa gritted her teeth.   
"Listen here, you pompous idiot! He's talking to ME, get it? ME!!! Melissa Daphne Johnns!!!! So STOP PRETENDING I'M NOT HERE YOU STUPID PIECE OF FLESH!" She yelled loudly. So loudly that it bounced right off the walls. All heads (those of an angel's) turned immediately to her.   
"Who's that yelling?"   
"Now, calm it! Don't get in such a temper!" 

"Shhh! Be quiet there, girl!"

"Do you _want_ to lose more demerit points?"   
"Look!" Neville cried, pointing at Harry suddenly, "Melissa, look! Behind Harry!" People around the room exchanged worried glances.   
"I have eyes, stupid! Of course I can see! Don't treat me like some blind old fool whose going to get knocked by some car!" Melissa snapped fiercely. She paused. "Well, not that I hadn't got knocked down..."   
"No, really, look! Who's THAT? He's moving all the plates..." Neville laughed suddenly, as he realised what the man- for it was a man- was doing; he was slowly moving people's plates around, whilst theye weren't looking. A woman standing next to him was looking both ammusied and dissaproving. 

People became very surprises when they saw their full plates empty. Whilest their next- door neighbour's empty plate suddenly look very full! 

"It's... someone with glasses... and someone else... don't know either of them..." Neville frowned, "... but he doesn't look like an angel, he hasn't got wings or anything... so how come no one else can see him?"

Melissa grumpily turned around to see whatever Neville had tried pointing out to her. Her jaw fell. As did the jaw of the person just behind Harry.  
"YOU!" they exclaimed.   
"What are you doing here?" Melissa yelled.   
"The same reason you are here," James said.   
"How's the job?" Lily asked sweetly.   
"Huh, to Hell with it!" Melissa scowled.  
"Who're you?" Neville asked, curiously. Harry stared at Neville oddly.   
"Neville? Have you decided to lose your mind and go completely bonkers?" Harry asked. "I'm Harry, remember?"   
"No, not you!" Neville said, pointing at an empty space of air behind him. That is, of course, through the naked eye. Neville was really pointing at both Lily and James. 

"I'm James Potter."

"I'm Lily Potter."

They looked at each other, "He's got the Gift," said James.

"Odd, really," Lily frowned a little. Melissa rolled her eyes.

"The only gift that Longbottom here has got is for getting into trouble."  
"No no-- I mean he can see us," Lily explained.

"Duh!" Melissa frowned, exaspirated.

"He couldn't before," explained James, who was now busy throwing peas at some innocent victim's head, one by one. 

"So?"

"... never mind," sighed Lily.

Neville looked at James, "But you're not an Angel, are you? But I can still see you, even though no one else can." 

People sitting at the Gryffindor table were seriously beginning to think about moving now. 

"Well, no," James agreed, "I'm not an Angel. Couldn't take the work, right?"

"Then how come _she_--?" Neville began, referring to Melissa.

"Heaven only knows," Lily laughed a little, "Must have been a mix up. It's been known to happen, after all!" 

"There was," Melissa confimed, "I'd rather be anywhere but here," she added, just to get her point across. 

"But James," Neville ignored Melissa, as he was already growing used to her attitude, "How come people can't see you? Are you a..." he paused for thought "... a ghost?"

"Nope." James grinned at them sideways. A clever trick, given that they were in front of him, "A poltergiest. I'm not as bad as Peeves though, eh? Poltergiests can be invisable, you know."

"Potter the Poltergiest!" Lily giggled.

"Well, that's all right!" Melissa objected, "Why couldn't I have been a Poltergiest?! Then I wouldn't have to look after Mr Useless here!"

Neville blinked, obviously hurt. Lily and James exachanged dissaproving glances. 

"Don't look like that!" Melissa scowled, "Do you know how bloody annoying it is when adults do that?" 

Neville said, "Er..."

"Neville," it was Hermione again, "are you quite sure you're all right? Don't you think you aught to go and see Madam Pomfrey?"

"No, I'll do, I promise."

"Only, you really don't seem... you know... normal," Ron frowned, "Did you eat soemthing you shouldn't have in Potions or something?"

"Um. No..."

"Oh, for God's sake, not this again!" Melissa was getting frustraited, "Which part of 'HE IS TALKING TO ME' do you freaks not understand?!?!"

"Well..." Harry stood up, and Ron and Hermione did the same "See you later, all right?" The 3 left.

Lily and James gazed after Harry sadly. Melissa pretended to gag.

"If only he could see us..." Lily sighed, "Then at least he'd know that we're here for him."

"I think he knows anyway," James smiled at her, pecking her on the lips.

Melissa, bored, sickened and annoyed, got up and stalked off, Neville scampering after her. She was determined to prove to Harry, Ron and Hermione that she was real, no matter what! 

____________________________________________________________________________________________ 

Ting tang diddley eye poe! ;)  
Please do take the time to review! All comments are appriciated! 

~ Bunny Chan and Ginny :)


	4. .... And all because of an innocent spid...

**Even Angels Make Mistakes!**

_by bunny chan & Ginny :)_

OK, this chapter is... interesting... but we FINALLY got it done! Yay! Sorry about taking so long, as we keep explaining, Malaysia and London don't have ideal time differences... *sigh* 

Well, please enjoy reading part 4! 

_Bunny chan and Ginny :) _

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Neville was awakened in the dead of the night in his bed in the Gryffindor dormitory for the boys. He looked blankly at Trevor, wondering if his pet toad had woke him up with his slimy wet skin again. 

No, Trevor was quite at peace, sleeping in his shoebox, which was on the bedside table. Neville turned over, wondering what on earth disturbed him. He came face to face with a pale face that had the really sandy hair that makes   
you think of white beaches. 

"Eeep!" Neville yelped, jumping back. "Who're you?" 

The young woman smiled warmly at Neville. 

"Hello! I'm Henny. I heard you could see us," Henny said in her thick Irish accent one simply couldn't miss. 

"Um... Yeah, I- I guess so," Neville stammered, pulling his covers close to him. He really had a freaky time, seeing and talking to these... these angels. Even his friends thought he had definitely lost it now. 

"I need someone to talk to," Henny said, "I'm _bored_. 

"Me?" Neville said, looking incredulously at his clock nearby. "It's two in the morning, in case you hadn't noticed the time." 

"Oh, I'd like a chat any time of the day," Henny said cheerfully. 

"You can find someone else," Neville told her decidedly. 

Henny never seemed to have heard him though. She was rambling about millions of things before Neville could even finish his sentence. All about her, of course. She then went on rasping about her hobby. 

Neville had an itching feeling in his fingers to do what Harry had suggested to do to Professor Snape two days ago. He felt like getting a wet sponge to throw it in her face and saying "HAH!!!! Teach you not to stop me from sleeping, you idiot grape!!!!" 

But that wasn't very Neville-like. 

And as Neville Longbottom, Neville planned to be himself. So he decided that he should just try to please this angel, and listened to her. She was going through her favourite things when she suddenly produced a large, black spider. Neville recognised its long legs and spiny body, but hadn't a single idea what it was. All he knew was that Henny called it "Daddy Long-Legs" or something similar. 

"This is my pet spider," Henny said charmingly, cuddling the creature. "Isn't he _fabulous_?" 

Neville backed away, his arms swinging wildly. He usually did that most of the time when he felt really nervous. Unfortunately for him, his right arm hit something. Something Neville did NOT want to hit at all. 

Melissa Johnns. 

"What the freaking hell are you doing, you moron?!?!?!? _I NEED MY SLEEP, AND I DON'T BE A FREAKING DAMN ANGEL TO SEE YOUR BLOODY FACE FOR 48 HOURS A DAY, IDIOT_!!!!" She screeched. 

"Um... I'm really sorry, Melissa, but--" 

"SORRY??? _**SORRY????**_ _THAT'S ALL YOU CAN FREAKING HELL SAY WHEN I GOT DISTURBED   
FROM MY BEAUTY SLEEP!!!!!!! I DON'T CARE A DAMN THING THAT HAPPENS TO YOU!!!! ALL I WANT IS SLEEP!!!!!! GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE!!!!" _ Melissa paused for a short moment to catch some breaths. _"AND I CAN'T BE DAMN WELL BOTHERED WITH YOU -- AAAAAH!!!!! A SPIDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" _

"T- The s- spider--" Neville stammered. Henny's "Daddy-Long-Legs" fell on his bed. And Neville did the first and only thing that came into his mind: he yelled. 

"SPIDER?! _AAAARGH_!" Ron yelled, springing up erect on his bed suddenly. 

He began yelling for his entire lung's worth, trying desperate to keep out of the way of the creatre. Harry, who was next to his bed, jumped up in surprise and was almost shoved over sideways, by Melissa's frantic scrabbling. Upon being pushed by an invisible being, he also began to yell. 

Seamus Finnegan sat up in bed, asked Harry what was wrong, and, on receiving an invisible arm in the teeth, began yelling too. Dean Thomas sat up yelling as well, because with everyone yelling and only him not yelling, it sounded ... well, odd. The Gryffindor boys and Melissa were yelling for all that was worth, until stampedes of footsteps barged into their room heavily. 

And all this, Henny the Angel surveyed in happy amusement. 

"What is going on in here?" Hermione snapped, marching into the room. Ron ran to her at once. 

"Hermione! Oh God, there's a _SPIDER_ in this room!!!! A _SPIDER!!!!"_ Ron wailed, obviously louder than the rest. It was high expectation that Ron Weasley had started the yelling competition. 

"Iccle Ronniekins and spiders," Fred tutted. 

"Our poor brother is insane!" George said sadly. 

"Oh my!" Alicia Spinnet sighed. "You're all making such a great racket!!!" 

"And someone invisible pushed me off my bed!" 

"They punched me in the teeth! SOMEONE INVISIBLE IS ATTACKING US!!!!" Yells from Alicia at this. Fred and George looked at each other, grinned, and began yelling because it seemed like fun. 

"SPIDER!!!!!!! GETITAWAYGETITAWAYGETITAWAY!!!!!" Screeched Melissa, trying to push Ron off the bed that they were both standing on. 

"ARRRRGGGHHH!" 

"ARRRRRRRRGGGGHHH!!!" 

"SOMEONE INVISIBLE HIT ME!!!" 

"I'M BLOODY HERE YOU MORONS!!!!! ARRRRGGGHHHH....!!!! SPIDER!!!! ARGHHH..." 

"What happening? What's going on?" Parvati and Lavender entered. 

"A SPIDER!!!!" 

"OW! SOMEONE HIT ME! SOMEONE INVISIBLE HIT ME!" Colin Creevy yelped. 

Parvati and Lavender saw the spider, jumped onto nearby beds, and raised their shrill voices in screams. 

"_AAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" _

"Move over! Head Boy coming through! Head Boy coming through!" 

Crowds more Gryffindors pushed their way into the room. The head boy, a small squat 7th year, Willmott Lazlowe, pushed his way through. 

"SPIDER!!!!" Screamed Melissa, Parvati, Lavender and Ron. 

"WE WERE ATTACKED!!!!" Yelled Harry, Alicia and Dean, as well as about half a dozen other newcomers, who had also been subject to Melissa's rage. 

"_I'M BLOODY HERE YOU CRETINS_!!!!" 

"OW! SOMEONE HIT ME!" 

"ARRRGGGHHHH..!!!!!!" more screams and yells at this, everyone terrified at the unknown presence in the room, everyone else, of the spider. Anyone left over was yelling because they felt left out. 

"Calm down! Calm down! I say, do be quiet!" Willmott Lazlowe tried to keep the group quiet, but to no avail. "Oh, come on, please..." 

Angelina Johnson entered, rubbing her eyes, "What's up? I was sleeping, and then all you lot start yelling... Willmott, can't you get them to be quiet for 5 minutes?!" 

Fred and George were now yelling about vampire bats, in an effort to keep up the atmosphere of terror that was running through the now- full Gryffindor dormitory. Everyone had turned up to see what the matter was. A first year had gone into complete hysterics and had to be taken to Madam Pomfrey. 

Willmott blushed deep red on being addressed by Angelina, "I'm trying, I'm trying... oh, come on people, _do_ be quiet..." 

"SOMEONE INVISIBLE IS ATTACKING EVERYONE!!!" 

"HUGE KILLER SPIDERS!!! HUGE IT WAS!!!!"  
"VAMPIRE BATS!!!!"  
"THEY HIT ME!!!" 

"--FANGS LIKE MEAT CLEAVERS!!!"  
"ARRRRGGGGHHHHHHHH....!!!!!!!!!!" 

The tales had escalated to epic proportions. 

"Oh, honestly!" Hermione marched into the room, scooped up the spider, and threw it out with window. Ron, Parvati, Lavender and several others stopped yelling as loudly. 

"OK, EVERYONE FOLLOW WILMOTT OUT OF THE ROOM!" Someone ordered, and Hermione began   
shepherding people away, with the help of Angelina. 

It was some time before the room was empty, peace was restored, and the boys were returned to their dormitory, following a stern telling- off from Professor McGonagall. 

Eventually, Ron, Harry, Dean and Seamus fell asleep. Henny, sensing that she was not very welcome just now, had disappeared. Melissa was glaring, and Neville was still very jittery after getting an extreme barating from his head of house, which had ended in detentions every night for the next week. 

"Huh, you're so stupid!" Melissa was scowling, "Look what you made everyone do!" 

"It wasn't me! I didn't do anything!" 

"Yes you did! You let that grotesque," she shuddered "_spider _get in here, didn't you?!" 

"No! I mean, yes! I mean--" he paused "You were the one who went round pushing everyone out the way!" 

"Well, I was trying to get away from your spider! Urgh! I'm going to have nightmares about that for the rest of my life!" 

Neville decided to play safe and not argue back. He gave Trevor a good- night fly, and settled down in bed, hoping that no one was awake to hear him 'taking to himself' again. 

"Didn't you hear what I said?! This is all your fault! Well! Answer me!" 

Neville fell asleep with the noise of Melissa ranting in his ears. 

This whole Guardian Angel thing didn't look like it was going be a success. 

____________________________________________________________________________________________ 

*Grins* Aw, c'mon... please review? ^_^ 

Bunny chan and Ginny :)  



	5. "Melissa" and "Help"...Connected?!

Love In Idleness

Even Angels Make Mistakes!

Chapter 5

By bunny chan & Ginny :)

Sorry this took so long... it's the usual time zone problem. Ginny :) wants to say 'CONGRATULATIONS' to her other co- author [CheyLeah, who has nothing to do with this story, actually], who now has a lovely little baby girl called Cheyenne. We apologise for the beginning of this chapter sounding so serious... but with people like us writing this, do you really think we can keep this up?! Incidentally, although this is the chapter before the ending, we ARE plotting and planning a new story, so keep an eye out! And no, we don't plan a sequel. 

Enjoy reading our story! 

Bunny chan & Ginny :) 

____________________________________________________________________________________________ 

It was dark. Night time. Silver moonlight streamed in through the gap in the curtains at Gryffindor dormitory window. The wind sang around the castle turrets, it's own quiet, moaning, haunting melody, dying down now and then, but always regaining it's tuneless and lonely refrain. It was a night when the senses are heightened. Even the cut of the wind seemed to be visible. You could almost taste the stars. The forest danced it's own private dance to the wind's bittersweet cradle-song. 

The moon's paper face stared over the world, like a benevolent protectoress. She seemed to smile to herself. Maybe she knew that something was going to happen. 

Students and angels slept. The raucous of the spider incident now forgotten, left to fester in the past. Melissa was deeply asleep, looking almost innocent. Neville was snoring gently. Henny had made herself scarce, no doubt sensing that both she and her daddy long legs were less then welcome. The school dozed. 

Lily was not asleep. She couldn't. Like the all-seeing moon, she knew that something was going to happen. She gazed down on her sleeping son. His thin face was distorted by the strip of moon light that lay across it. He looked so young. Lily wished with all her heart that she could talk to him, cradle him in her arms, tell him how much she loved him, just once more. A tear fell hot from her eye onto his face. It lingered, ran down his cheek and off his nose. The only way in which Lily could touch her beloved child. 

She shut her eyes, determined to keep the melancholy inside her own mind, for once it escaped, there would be no stopping it. 

Someone mumbled something through the mists of sleep. 

A star fell, glittering. Down, down, down to Earth. Lily couldn't see it, but she could feel it. It made her insides tingle and her hair try to stand on end. 

What Lily had not been expecting, was exactly what happened next; the dormitory flashed brilliant gold for perhaps a second, before darkness returned, thick like a blanket. Figures appeared in the room - black figures - that Lily could not make out. And then the whole room was full of noise. Shouting, arguing, pushing, shoving, the air seemed to pause. Lily screamed, and all was confusion. Shouting, swearing, yells, throbbing air, the pull and heave of the atmosphere... 

Silence. 

Only one of the boys had woken. The rest slept peacefully onwards. Harry rubbed his shoulder, where someone had knocked on. Neville sat on his bed, couched, his hands over his face, frightened eyes peeping out between stubby fingers. He was breathing hard. 

The two gaped at each other. 

"W- who--?" Neville stammered, yet to catch his breath. 

"I don't know. But that must have been Angels. There was a shooting star." 

Neville nodded. They had have been Angels, as only he had noticed them. 

"Wonder what they wanted." 

Silence. 

This wasn't right. Lily didn't know why. Silence wasn't what was supposed to happen next, was it? It didn't work... someone was supposed to do something... something must have happened... something had to happen... Lily checked quickly on Harry, but he continued to doze, unharmed. Everyone looked just as they had done before, with the obvious exception of Neville. 

He swung his legs over the side of the bed, and sat there, his large eyes pale and bulbous in the moonlight. 

"Melissa?" 

Lily realised what was wrong. Where was Melissa? She should have been shouting, cursing, throwing insults left and right... But instead, there was this almost vibrating silence. 

"Melissa? Where are you?" Neville tried again. He felt a bit relieved, but suspected that, had anything happened to her, he would be landed with the ultimate blame, her being his guardian angel and all that. 

She was, very definitely, not there. However, there was no time to wonder at is, as the doors burst open. 

"COME BACK HERE, POTTER! I'LL HAVE YOUR HEAD FOR THIS!!!!" Peeves yelled, flying - no, zooming - into the boy's dormitory after the said Potter. Harry sat up at once, hearing Peeves yelled his last name. 

"The candles!! The candles!!!" Harry yelled, before staring blankly. "Huh? What? Peeves?" 

"Ssh! Get back to bed," Lily said to Harry. Of course, he didn't hear her. 

"Peeves, get outta this room and let me sleep in peace..." he frowned, and turned over in bed. 

"POTTER!!! WATCH OUT FOR MY WRATH!!!!!" Peeves yelled, swinging a candle stick at what seemed to be empty air. 

"What are you talking about, Peeves? I'm here," Harry said in confusion. 

"No! Duck! _Duck_!" Neville cried at the empty air Peeves was trying to hit. Lily slapped her white hand on her forehead. After the very serious conversation she and Neville seemed to have had (although it was only a few exchange of solemn words) this seemed to be really out of place. _Really_ out of place. 

"James Potter, can't you at least choose a different room?" Lily called. A clanking of metal swords seemed to punctuate this. Neville, Lily and Harry all turned to the door, in which the Weasley twins jumped in, both yelling at the top of their voices. Both were carrying swords, apparently purloined from the wall in the Gryffinor Common Room. 

"En garde!!!" George yelled, clanking swords with Fred. 

"En garde!!!" Fred called, poking the sword into Ron's blanket. The younger Weasley brother woke up with a yell enough to deafen the dead. 

"What's HAPPENING in here?" McGonagall bustled into the room, "Honestly, it's always you boys isn't it? Can't you go through one single night without makign enough noise to wake the dead...?!" 

Harry stared blankly at the frozen faces of Neville, Peeves, Ron, George and Fred, his eyes clearly missing his mother's white form. 

"Howdy, Professor McGonagall!" an invisible someone called suddenly. 

"Show yourself!" McGonagall barked. James Potter's form showed itself, bowing low to the professor. She went a little pale as she looked at him, and her eye's quickly flicked to Harry and back, but she recovered herself, "Oh. You. You're dead, I suppose." 

"Very. Now living in this castle as Poltergeist Number Two. Ain't you all glad that I'm replacing Peeves?" James Potter said, beaming from ear to ear. 

"Harry!!!!!!!" Ron yelled. "You're a ghost!!! A Poltergeist!" 

"I'm here, Ron," Harry said flatly, still staring at his father's ghost. Something funny was happening inside him. Something he couldn't explain. 

"And what business have you here, Weasley and Weasley?" McGonagall said sharply, deciding to ignore James. You never annoy a poltergeist. 

"Playing swords aren't we, Fred?" 

"Aye. En garde, George!" 

"I SAID, _WHAT BUISINESS HAVE YOU HERE_?" MgGonagall barked, causing both the twins to freeze in fright. 

"Er, we came on a report," George said, his metal sword dropping. 

"Dumbledore - Professor Dumbledore - sent it to Harry," Fred said, also dropping his sword. 

"Very well, tell and be gone," McGonagall said. 

"HarryYou-Know-Whoisafteryouagainandwehavetotellyouthissoyoucanblahawayintimetosaveyourself." 

"What? Harry wasn't paying attention, but staring at his dead father's form. The other boys exchanged glances, and Dean muttered something to Seamus nervously. 

"You-Know-Whoisafteryouagainandwehavetotellyouthissoyoucanblahawayintimetosaveyourselffullstop." 

"Okay... I caught You-Know-Who and the full-stop," Lily said uncertainly to James. This, James repeated to the room dwellers rather loudly. 

"Slowly please," McGonagall said, yawning. She had been rudely awaken from her Dreamland of jumping kitties and rainbow clouds. 

And the twins repeated it. Slowly. 

"Oh, that's normal," Ron said, trying to sound casual, rubbing his arm (Fred poked it) with some ointment. However, there was a definite note of worry in his voice, "I mean, he's ALWAYS after Harry, isn't he?" 

"Just get to sleep and shut up. And do NOT make me up again, just for an excuse to play swords at twelve midnight! And this joke about You Know Who is extremely poor form." McGonagall said, slamming the door behind her. 

"But it's true!" George called. 

~*~ 

"Mel's gone," Neville said sadly to Lily as they sat at table the next morning. She was accompanying him, since it was James's turn to watch Harry. Besides, Harry was just only opposite, so she'd be able to reach him in time if James forsake his duty as a father. In her view, Neville needed _someone_ to look after him, be it her, Melissa, or someone else entirely. 

"I thought you wished she was gone," Lily said, keeping an eye on Harry and James. 

"Yeah, but..." 

"Hey, heard the news?" James said, swooping to his wife. "Voldemort's after Harry. For real." 

"That's normal, like Ron said," Neville said, hopefully. 

"Aah... But we need help if Harry wants to run away alive," James said. Neville sat up. 

"What do you mean?" 

"He probably won't survive this match." James and Lily excahnged serious glances. Lily bit her lip. 

"Why?" 

"Lily, for the last time, let's go to Heaven!" James said, ignoring Neville. "I don't care tuppence for your idiot sister, kay? Go, or I'll make sure I drag you there!" 

"_You're_ taking care of Harry, James Harold Potter," Lily said sourly. 

"Go to Heaven?" Neville repeated. He stared doubtfully at the enchanted ceiling above him, where the beautiful white puffy clouds sat. He turned back to Harry's parents. "It's up in the sky, isn't it?" A thought hit him, "It's where they've taken Melissa." 

"Well, where do you expect Heaven to be, then? In Hell?" Malfoy's drawling voice sauntered, before bursting into laughter, whilst the other Slytherins sniggered. 

"Leave him, Malfoy," Harry said quietly. 

"Longbottom believes in Heaven! More fool him! And he's been talking to himself again!" and the Slytherin howled with laughter, joined by both his faithful cronies. James was visible, but Lily was not. The vast majority of the school now considered that Neville was completely mental and should be locked up by the men in pretty white coats. 

"What's wrong with believing in Heaven?" James snapped. "I've been there once, and it isn't as pleasant as _YOU _ would like, Malfoy." He threw a pack of dungbombs at Malfoy and his fellows. 

"Hello... Dad," Harry said uncertainly to the poltergeist. He looked pale, peaky, like he hadn't slept. He didn't know why he hadn't spoken to James before now... but it had just felt... wrong... he forced himself to ask the question; "Are you really my father?" 

"Yes. And I definitely don't regret my choice on being your guardian an--uh, ghost. Poltergeist. Whatever. Your mother's the angel, for more obvious reasons." 

"Where is she?" Harry said, looking around wistfully. If only he could see his mother...! 

"I thought you don't believe in us?" Lily said in amusement. 

"She said, she thought you don't believe in her," Neville said solemnly. Suddenly he wished very strongly that he could see his own parents. Better dead, then mad, after all. 

"Well, I do now after I was kicked in my dormitory last night. It was a full moon and I definitely trust my eyes that I saw shadows!" Harry said impatiently. "Also, I... I kinda saw a falling star." 

"You were asleep," Lily said. James repeated this to Harry. 

"I heard some noises. Someone was_ definitely_ having a war in that place," Harry said, "And I means someone other then Fred and George." He paused again, "Where exactly is mum?" 

"Here," Neville said, pointing at Lily's nose. 

"My nose is my nose, not me," Lily said, pushing the hand down. 

Just then, an annoying cackle of laughter was heard as Peeves the Poltergeist flew into the Great Hall, Fred and George right under his heels, swearing spitefully after the mischievous ghost. James clucked his tongue and Harry stared wistfully at his father, wondering what on earth James would do. 

What James did was simple. He pulled a face at Peeves and the face pulling competition began between him and Peeves, who refused to be beaten by a "simple common Poltergeist like Jimminy Potty Potter". 

Lily sighed. 

"You-know-Who's coming! You-Know-Who's coming!" Fred and George chanted. "Dumbledore said so! Dumbledore said so!" 

"They sound like magpies," Ron commented. 

"Come, we had better get Melissa Johnns as soon as we can," Lily said urgently, "The more help we can get, the better." 

Neville frowned. The words 'Melissa' and 'help' had never seem to be connected, in his mind. 

"She says, we need to get my Angel-- Melissa Johnns-- to help us." 

The others nodded. 

"Does anyone know where I can get the nearest public phone?" Lily added. 

"A public what?" Neville repeated. He had obviously not heard of a telephone before. 

"A public telephone. You know, the one you make calls with," Lily snapped. "Oh bother! None of you knew what a phone is! Ask Harry to point us to the nearest Public Phone!" 

"Uh, Harry, your mother asks you to point her to the nearest Public Phone," Neville said uncertainly. 

"There's none here," Hermione said automatically. "Where _IS_ Harry's mum?" 

"Right next to me." 

"Where???" 

"Here! On my left." 

"Right... We'll have to go to the nearest village for a phone, then?" Harry said. Neville sensed that what Harry really wanted at that moment, was to talk with his parents. But now was not the time. 

"Probably. And the nearest is most likely thirty miles off," Hermione replied. 

"Let's use the Summoning Charm?" Ron suggested. 

"Or get Dumbledore to make one," Neville suggested. 

"You are all really unobservant!" Hermione scolded. "Dumbledore has a telephone! Here! Right in Hogwarts." And Hermione pointed at a red telephone box outside the window. The others blinked. That phone box _definitely_ hasn't been there before. Without hesitating, Lily grabbed James and Harry before flying downwards through the wall. James went through quite easily, because that's what happens when you don't have a body, but Harry rammed tightly and fell down in a daze. 

"I think she wants us to follow her," Neville called to Harry before running out and downstairs with Hermione and Ron. 

"O...kay..." Harry mumbled. 

~*~ 

Harry's parents were waiting impatiently by the red telephone box. By the time Harry had reached it, he was out of breath. James dragged Hermione into the phone box. 

"You're a muggleborn, aren't you?" James said. 

"Yes," Hermione confirmed. 

"You know how to use this, er... Lifellotone?" 

"Yes, and it's TELL-LEE-FONE, spelt t-e-l-e-p-h-o-n-e." 

"Whatever. Now dial in this number," James said, holding a scrape of parchment in his ghost hands. 

"Where is it going to? And Harry, have you got any coins?" Hermione said, fumbling her pockets. 

"Duh! This is Hogwarts we're talking in here! The scene we are in is Hogwarts! You don't need any coins!" Lily said, rolling her eyes. 

"She says you don't need money. This phone's, er, magic. Or something." Neville informed them. Harry stared dreamily 

"Ah... Yeah... Um, right..." 

"all right, listen up. The number is 724665-367-347787833-164357." 

"724665--What?" Hermione frowned. "There's no such number! Telephone numbers are only 12 digets long! And where is this call going to?" 

"Yes, there is such number and it's going to Heaven. I mean, it's bringing us to Heaven," James said. "It'll take us automatically to School For Disrupted Angels, and I think, with Melissa's attitude, she'll be in there by now watering some pot- plants or learning to play the flute." 

Neville snorted. The vision of seeing haughty Melissa trying to water plants and doing flower arts was as ridiculous as turning a Flobberworm into a Centaur. It was just stupid, and plain wouldn't work. Hermione was mumbling to herself as she punched in the numbers to go to this School for whatever Angels, and with Ron, Harry, Neville and James and Lily and her in that tiny phone box, it was nearly impossible to even breathe, as they kept on pushing themselves to fit in. 

"...357. Finished! I have a blister now..." Hermione said, just before they were swallowed into a porthole of bright, swirling colours that kept on spinning like there was no tomorrow. 

_________________________________________________________________________ 

THE END! There's one more chapter left... 2 maximum *sob*... but don't give up on us, cause we have plans for more stories!!!! Yay!!! 

Eleen and Rachel 

~*~ 


	6. The Delights Of Heaven... Or Not

Love In Idleness

Even Angels Make Mistakes!

Chapter 6

By bunny chan & Ginny :)

insert the usual time-taken appology here :) We own Melissa, Professor Matherwik, Professor du Temps, Narinda, and the Angels With Incurable Manners school. 

**Keep a look out for an all-new story we're working on**... we're not 100% sure of the title yet, but it'll be something along the lines of '**Earth= 98.5% Useless**'... yes, it's another of our very surreal ideas, this time an MWPP/ L story, about, er, well, you'll have to wait and see! [But don't bet your money that Melissa and co won't ever be back. They're quite fun to torment... lol] 

ENJOY [or else... ;)]! 

Bunny Chan & Ginny :) 

____________________________________________________________________________________________ 

Melissa was in a foul temper. This was perfectly natural, and, had anyone who knew her been around to witness her recently, unsurprising. What wasn't perfectly natural or at all unsurprising was that her leather jacket, silver nail polish, short sparkly skirt and hooped earrings had been forcibly removed. 

To add embaressment, and lashings metophorical butter to the burn, she had been kidnapped! Kidnapped by Angels, no less! It didn't even bear thinking about... 

The expression on her face and gone beyond it's normal fury and dislike, into something new and frankly terrifying. It would need a whole new word to describe it, but 'bloody angry' will have to do for now. 

The Incurable And Criminal Manners in Angels school took cases like Melissa Johnns very seriously. The whole spider incident had been too much. Although it was generally felt by the teachers that they'd far rather Melissa was being inflicted on some innocent person then them, they didn't have a choice. 

The Angel music tutor, Professor Matherwik had tryed to teach her to play the mandolin. It had not been a success. She broken it. When made to act as Page Turner for another student, a delightful child called Narinda Losswell who looked as though she was made from frills, bows, ribbons and curls, Melissa had wandered off, singing about someone called Slim Shady. 

In something bordering on desperate fear, Professor Matherwik had ordered her to the herb gardens. She'd been only too glad to go, and was now eating stawberries, and contentedly ignoring the angel in charge of the fruit patch, who was screeching words that should never pass an Angels' lips. 

Melissa, ammused by the whole Angel swearing thing, decided to annoy him still further. She threw a stawberry up in the air and caught it in her mouth. 

Hahahahaha. 

~*~ 

"Oof!" Harry yelped, as Neville fell on him. He yelped another two more times, when Hermione and Ron tumbled over. "Watch it!" 

Hermione picked herself up, straightening her robes. She stared around. "What happened to that colourful hole? I don't quite--" 

"This place looks a lot like candyfloss... yum..." Ron said dreamily. 

"Where is this place?" Neville asked blankly, looking around. 

"Would you all be kind enough to get off me like Hermione?" Harry yelled, obviously still squashed by his friends. Ron and Neville climbed off. "Whew! Thank you!" 

"Are we all here?" a lady's voice asked. 

"Huh?" Harry, Ron and Hermione said, turning to the source of the voice. "Who're you?" 

"Harry, that's your mum! Your mum!" Neville said happily. "See! I _wasn't_ seeing things!" 

"M...um?" Harry echoed, staring at the Lily's seemingly solid form. His mind refused to let him take it in. His insides seemed to be filled with air. His mother... 

"Hello Harry!" Lily greeted cheerfully, smiling at her son, obviously deciding that this was the best policy, "Where's James?" 

"Right here!" 

"Where?" 

"In the rose bush!" 

Everyone turned to find James Potter, busily stuffing himself with the pink roses that were growing on the bush. Harry edged away carefully to the back of his friends. His father seemed a little mad, to eat flowers. 

"Hey, Harry! Come and have some!" James called. 

"Um, thanks, dad, but no thanks," Harry said. 

"Go on," Lily said, pushing Harry towards James. "It's not a real flower. It's sherbert roses, made especially for ... Angels and people and ghosts and poltergeists." _GROWWWL _. "And speaking of food, perhaps my stomach's speaking up for some?" Lily added sheepishly. 

"Sweets? You really mean it? Ediable flowers?" Ron said, eyeing the roses. They looked quite real to him. 

"Don't be silly! They don't exist!" Hermione scoffed, "It wouldn't work. Science and Magic is what's real, not--" 

"Well, as you can see, they do work here!" 

Ron popped one into his mouth happily. 

"I thought we were here to find Melissa? She's probably alone somewhere in Heaven now..." Neville mused. 

"Oh well, we can feel sorry for Heaven later," Lily said cheerfully. 

"Yes, yes, we'll find her in good time," James said, and stopped pushing the leaves into his mouth. 

"She can't be that bad," said Ron philosophically, "if she's from Heaven." 

"So are rain, thunder and lightening," pointed out James, "and trust me, she is." 

"Where do we go? And where are we?" Hermione said. 

"In Heaven, Section 563, Puffy Rainbow-Cloud Stream, directly opposite the Angels With Mentally Abused Minds and Attitudes and Incurable Manners School, which is where I suspect Melissa Johnns is," Lily said knowledgebly, pointing at a rather jolly looking building which seemed a lot like the sweet house taken from the Hansel and Gretel story. Melissa would have hated it. "It doesn't take a mastermind to guess that she was heading there, with language and behaviour like that!" She glanced at her husband, "James... that grass is real. You can't eat it." 

"Oh. Well, it doesn't taste that bad, actually." 

"Um. Are you sure that's even a school?" Harry said uncertainly. It looked more like a bakery to him. 

"Yes, and Melissa's probably watering pot- plants now," James said, grinning at the idea. 

"Er, Neville? I recall you saying once that this Melissa girl isn't that sort of person to do graceful work, right? Or did I hear wrong?" Ron said to Neville. 

"You heard right. She's probably destroying the entire hierachy of Heaven now." Somehow, Neville couldn't help feeling a little pompous. 

"So, how are we going to get her out?" Lily said. 

"You're asking us? _You_ brought us here and you're asking _us_???" James yelled. 

"ME?! What about ME bringing us here??? YOU were the idiot who wanted to go to Heaven at all expense!" Lily screeched. 

"We're at a very impressionable age, you know," Hermione said darkly. 

"I thought it was bad for parents to argue before their kids," Harry whispered to Ron. "I heard the Dursleys say so." 

Lily and James must have heard him, because they fell silent. 

"Er, how about we look for your friend? I mean, angels supposedly have councils, right? Like our place? And I'm itching to find out the History of Earth and Sky and--" 

"Cut it out, Hermione. We're doing nothing of that sort here," Ron hissed. "We're on holiday!!!" 

"How can we be in holiday when it isn't even a holiday day?" Hermione snapped. "Don't speak nonsense!" 

"I'm not speaking nonsense! You were the one! What about holiday's day, huh?" Ron yelled. 

"It's a holiday day!!!" 

"There!! See? You admit that today's a holiday!" Ron cried triumphantly. 

"I did not!" 

"Did!" 

"Not!" 

"You know, Neville, we're in one of the worst comedy fights in the world," Harry moaned to his friend. Neville nodded dumbly, thinking about his parents and, oddly, Melissa. 

"Wonder how's Melissa now. It's really boring without her," Neville said dully. He never thought he'd think that. But then, she _did_ make an impact on your life. Even if it was a similar- feeling impact to that of a 10 tonne wieght dropping on you. 

"With the all the swearing, huh?" James said. "That girl hasn't much manners. She hasn't much decency. She hasn't much anything." 

"You can say that again," Lily said. "But we have to find a way to get Melissa out of here and let her finish whatever she's supposed to do!" 

"What is she suppose to do?" Harry inquired. 

"Make life a living Hell for me," Neville said at once. It was kind of true. 

"I never knew you used swear words," Hermione said, "Must have been the influence. I'd better stay away from your language." 

"Well, she's an Angel sent from Hell! Whoever heard of an Angel swearing at her clients? And destroying my potions? And pulling cockroach legs to help me get the detention done? And setting spiders on--" 

"She pulled cockroach legs? Wow, I'm impressed. She can help me get my detention done, then," Harry grinned. Having a Guardian Angel sounds fun to him. "Mum, who's my Guardian Angel? Do I have one?" 

"Of course. It's me and your dad. That makes one Angel and one poltergiest for your guardians. Oh, and Sirius, if you count living people. Wonder where he is...?" Lily said, "Anyway, that means one Angel, one ghost and one godfather. A lot, I must say, for a teenaged wizard." 

"I have an idea!" Neville cried out. Ron and Hermione stop arguing (with "Did!" and "Not!") and stared at him. "Melissa has always told me how alike this Angel - Crover or Glover, whatever - is to Harry's mother!" 

"It's Clover and she's my stupid twin sister that deserves nothing better than a harp on her head," Lily said. 

"Okay. So how about if we get Harry's mother to impersonate this Clover, and get Melissa out of that school? I mean, this Clover's supposed to be one of the best Angels, right? She's important, isn't she?" 

"Quite so..." James said, thinking. "She's in the Angel Registry Department, last time I remembered." 

"So you want _ME_ to impersonate my sister???" Lily screeched. "You have got to be kidding!" 

"No, I'm not! It just might work, y'know!" Neville said. "I know my plans aren't always good--" 

"He's got that right," Ron muttered. Neville ignored him. 

"--but it just might work! Please? Pretty pretty please? With a huge, uh, cloud sundae and, uh, sherbert rose bushes on top?" 

Lily glared at him before turning to James to discuss. After a short while, Lily flew into temper and began yelling. In five seconds, she was quiet again and walked towards the four teenagers, announcing that she would do it. James emerged a second later with a large red hand-print on his face. Lily must have slapped him for something he said. 

Harry was beginning to wonder about his parents' sanity. 

~*~ 

Professor du Temps, headmaster of the School For Disrupted Angels, flicked through his papers, signing his name at the bottom of each one. It occurred to him that he might like to go for lunch soon. That was one reson why he had disliked Earth, and decided to settle down in Heaven. You couldn't eat down there. Thank goodness for Angel foods! 

His musings were interrupted by a knock on the door, followed by hurried mutterings. As he opened his mouth to invite the knocker in, the door burst open. 

Clover Evans strode in. Everyone knew Clover. She was very high up in the Angel Ministry, only just below the Lord Angel Raphael, who was only bettered by God Himself-- not that God ever involved himself with such unimportant matters as went on at the School. 

"Miss... Clover Evans? Delighted to see you again!" Professor de Temps was determined to show that everything was Just Fine. 

"What?" Lily-- for it was, of course, she-- looked startled, but soon recovered herself, "Oh...! I mean, yes. Same to you. Erm. Nice day, isn't it?" 

"Indeed, it is. Can I help you?" He was hungry, but was determined not to show now much he wanted to leave. 

"I'm sure you can. I mean yes. I mean, I'm looking for an Angel who arrived here last night?" 

"But of course. One moment please. I will look through the files..." He paused, and turned to the filing cabenet behind him, and began sorting though the name lists, "... Blake, Suzannah?" 

"N...o..." 

"... Edjwell, Thomas?" 

"No. Look, I know the name. It's Melissa Johnns. She's... probably something of a problem case." 

"Hmmm... Ah, yes, here are her details!" he drew out a large file, with an extremely unflattering photo of Melissa scowling blackly attached to it, surrounded by writing. Lily could make out a few words... '... disruptive behaviour... unacceptable... daddy long legs... havoc... language... no discipline...' 

"Yep, that's her all right!" said Lily, happily. It could hardly have been anyone else. 

"May I ask, why do you wish to speak to her? I'm afraid I could not advise it. She can destroy a person's nearves in seconds." 

"Don't I know it! Er, I mean, she has to be removed from this place, because there is an important job for her on Earth." Seeing obvious doubt that Melissa could be any use at 'important jbs' lingering the Proffessor's eyes, Lily added, "Lord Angel Rapheal said so." 

"Oh, but of course!" Professor du Temps practically purred at the mention of Lord Angel Rapheal, "I was not doubting you, Miss. Evans! I shall call for her now," he retuned to his desk, where Lily now noticed the micophone to a PA system. He switched it on. Lily wondered whether Melissa would actually even bother replying to it. She supposed, that it all depended on how bored she was. 

**"Attention Melissa Daphne Johnns!" **boomed the PA system, **"Please come immeadiately, repeat, immeadiately, to the headmaster's office. Thankyou."**

"Lovely," said Lily, giving a vague smile and trying to act like Clover, "I'm sure she'll be along in a minute. Such a delightful child. Erm." 

"You've never actually met her, have you?" the Professor frowned. Lily, seeing nothing else for it, shrugged. 

The door shot open. Melissa Daphne Johnns stood scowling in the doorway, the strawberryjuice down the front of her once white silk dress. Professor de Temps winced a little. Melissa's face cleared as she saw Lily. 

"Lily! What are you--?" Lily made a violent hand signal for Melissa to shut up. She was rather surprised when she got the message. 

"I am not Lily Potter," entoned Lily, trying to sound severe, "I am her twin sister, Clover Evans." 

"Yeah, right, I--" 

"If you dissagree with me again," Lily was having trouble keeping this up, "I will have to hit you with my harp. And I'm sure you wouldn't want that, _dearie._ Erm." 

Lily hoped that Melissa wouldn't take being called 'dearie' personally. By the look on her face, she would. 

"Well, whaddya want anyway?" Melissa scowled at her. 

"If it's all right with... Mr... Mr... Mister, here, I want to take you back to Earth. I believe that there are some people who need your help." 

"All right. Hogwarts is better then this dump." 

"Thankyou, Melissa. So long then, Mister, erm, well, bye!" Lily smiled as though her teeth had been stuck together with glue, grabbed Melissa's arm, and hurried her out of the room. 

Professor du Temps leaned back on his chair. Well, that was one less pupil to worry about. Now, time for lunch... 

~*~ 

"Thank goodness that's over!" Lily breathed a sigh of relief as the door to Professor du Temps' office closed beind them. 

"You do a rotten job of impersonating your psycho sister," Melissa said, matter- of- factly, "I'm surprised that bloke believed a word you said. She'd've hit me with her harp within five minutes, she would have, she's violent, not like what you are... well, what'll we do now I'm out?" 

Lily sighed. Helping Melissa was a thankless task. Well, what had she expected? "You could be a little more greatful," she said remosefully. 

"Oh, I'd have left anyway, soon as it got boring," Melissa informed her cheerfully. 

"I mean, James, Neville, Harry, Hermione, Ron and I came all this way, just to help you..." 

"I didn't make you. You did that, 'cause you felt like it." 

"Actually, we did that because you're needed." 

"Really? Oh well." 

"You Know Who is after Harry again--" 

"Who _is_ You Know Who? I don't Know Who, but You do Know Who..." 

"Har har, very witty. I'll inform Jack Dee that there's a new comedienne too look out for." 

"Whatever. Who _is_ You Know Who?" 

"Well..." Lily frowed a little, making effort, "You Know Who... he's a very powerful wizard. Very powerful." 

"Cool. If I could do magic, I'd make myself up a nice Limmo and mansion, with servents and a chauffeur and my own private Jacuz--" 

"For one thing, magic doesn't work like that, for another, I doubt that You Know Who would be seen dead in a Limmo." 

"Well, no, 'cause people can't see you once you've copped it," Melissa thought for a moment, "Except Neville." 

"Listen, will you?! You Know Who doesn't want a Limmo or a mansion or--" 

"Why not?" 

"I don't know!" 

"Maybe a Ford Prefect would be more his style... or a BMW... and he could have a gym, instead of a jacuzzi..." 

"_Melissa_!" 

"_What?!"  
_"Will you _listen_ a second, and I'm _not_ kidding! You Know Who wants to kill all the Muggle Borns and Muggles! He wants to take over the world!" 

This did not have the effect Lily had hoped for. 

"OK. Well, goodie for him." 

"It's no laughing matter!" Lily thought that, if not even death could shut people like Melissa up, there was no hope for life on earth. 

"Am I even smiling?" 

"Look, to sum it up, we need all the Angels we can get, to look after all the people on Earth! You've got Neville, right? You've also got to help us with Harry, and--" 

"Harry already has half the bally world looking over his shoulder for him. Why me as well? What about the others? Neville doesn't have no-one, except me, and he buggers up his life far more often then Harry does." 

"Fine! You look after Neville! Just you do that! Let Harry be unprotected and the world be destroyed--" 

"I bloody well will, don't worry." 

Melissa was not one of those people with conciences, Lily decided. There was less then no point in calling her names or arguing. 

"This is all nuts anyway," Melissa continued. Lily thought that maybe there was a suicide gene somewhere along the girl's family line, and then remembered that Melissa was already dead. The idea irritated her, "I mean, magic and some bloke called You Know Who-- that's worse then being called Too Late For Dinner, almost-- and this geezer with a daft name, wants to take over the world and people are actually _scaired_?" 

"Of course they are! This is serious, the whole world could end! Everyone will be killed!" 

"Dying isn't that bad, actually. It's been interesting, in a stupid kinda way, and--" 

Melissa stopped complaining as a loud, deeply viabrating, nearve- shivvering noise boomed it's way accross Heaven. 

"What's that?" She glanced at Lily. 

"I think," said Lily, "That that is the escape signal. I think," she added, "that now would be a good idea to run." 

"Right." 

They ran for it. Melissa wondered why the heck Angels had wings if they couldn't use them. 

~*~ 

The two Angels caught up with the others a moment later. 

"Fly, fly, fly!!! Fly, I said!" Melissa yelled, trying to flap her tiny grubby wings. They wouldn't even budge, even when she moved her shoulders vigorously. 

"It won't fly just like that!" Lily shrieked. "Don't be an idiot and let them catch you! Run there! _There_!!!" 

"I think you should give me the bloody directions and not just friggin' well yell like Hell's falling!" Melissa scowled. 

"Well, I couldn't care less, Melissa Johnns!" Lily said, scowling irritably. "I rescued you from that school and brought you all the way here and--" 

"Correction. You bloody well wanted me to save this bloody world from it's bloody hell of a terrible fate," Melissa said. 

"That's your angel?" Ron said to Neville. 

"Erm. Yeah," Neville muttered. 

"She's quite cute..." 

Neville choked and coughed. 

"Excuse me?!" 

"Er... nothing." 

"She's NOT cute," James said flatly, "She's as close to Demonic as an Angel can get." He was lucky Melissa didn't hear him, or he'd have been planted right under the rose bush as he ate his sugar flowers. 

"Where are we supposed to _go_?" Hermione asked. "Do we have to phone ourselves back? I mean, there's no telephone in Heaven, is there?" 

"No, I don't quite suppose so," Harry said, looking around the white clouds of Heaven grounds, the flower gardens, stray rose bushes and a few clump of grass here and there on the fluffy cotton wool. He said firmly again, "No. There's no telephone in Heaven." 

"How the heck do Angels get down, then?" Ron asked. 

"This Tristam guy who sent me to Hogwarts snapped his fingers and I found myself there," Melissa said helpfully. At this, all of them began snapping their fingers, with an exception of Hermione who could only clap her hands as she don't know how to snap her fingers. 

"This is no use! The Angels will be here in no time!" Lily said desperately. "We have to get back to Earth!" 

Just as the words left her lips, four snow white pegasus flew over them, a grand gold chariot drawn behind them. A young man with ivy leaves decorated on his flying brown hair was sitting in it. The sun seemed to follow him. 

"Apollo! Goodness gracious, we're saved!" James cried. 

"_That's_ Apollo? As in the Sun God?" Melissa said incredously. She did a double take at him. "For once, those bleedin' books were right about him. Only they left out the part that he was dressed in flowing garments of flowers." 

"You call that flowers?" Harry said. "I call them girlie dresses." 

"I agree," James said. 

"Like father like son," Lily said, shaking her head sadly. "They're called bathrobes, actually." 

"Whatever it is called isn't quite my problem," Neville said squirmily. He glanced at a cloud-mountain, where a large crowd of Angels stood. He gulped. "I, er, think the other Angels are here. Shouldn't we, erm, run?" 

"Right. A lousy mess of Angels they all are," Melissa said. "Hey you! Wossname! Apollo! Get outta that frikkin' chariot and give it to us!" 

Apollo stared at her in shock. 

"Some language to use against a Sun God," Hermione muttered. 

"No. I think it's a good idea that we hi-jack his transportation," James said. He ran towards Apollo suddenly, war-crying at him savagely. 

"Help! _Help_! I'm being attacked!!!" Apollo yelped, squirming like a girl. He shrieked and squealed, "I'm being molested! Aaah! I'm getting raped! _Help!!!"_

Harry, Ron and Neville, seeing his cowardice, rushed after him like James, yelling out loudly about eating meat, drinking blood, gaining immortality and being super smart to ace their exams. 

Apollo, who had been holidaying in Heaven for a few hours, decided that it had definitely changed since his last visit 35,6595 years ago. The angels are getting savage, foul mouth and more cannibal-like. As if cannibalism had been practiced in Heaven by the deceased cannibals. If cannibals EVER get to Heaven, that is. 

The boys and James attacked Apollo with a few strengthless punches, missing kicks and a few kungfu moves Ron's Muggle comics had displayed. But stupid as their harmless attacks and war-cries were, Apollo was frightened to death. He fainted. 

"Smart," Lily muttered as James and Ron pushed Apollo's fainted form out. The girls clambered into the huge and spacious chariot, just as the Angels arrived on the scene of the crime, squealing at the sight of the knocked-out Apollo. They forgot about Melissa and Clover Evans' impersonator for a short moment as they tended the Sun God's scratches. It was long enough for the others to escape. 

"That was quite a good idea, as much as I hate to admit it," Melissa said. 

"This is not right. We shouldn't have beaten him up. He's a God! He might decide to burn us to crisp when we get back to Earth! This is _not_ right!" Hermione muttered. 

"Now... how d'you work this thing?" James said, looking at the display of coloured buttons and flshing knobs and spinning dials on the control panel. Ron, was still playing some kungfu stunts to impress Melissa, who was looking at him as though he was barmy. Occaisionally, Ron let out a cry of "Hiyaaaaa!" 

The horses jumped. And before the chariot occupants knew it, they were zooming on their way towards the moon. 

"Turn! _Turn_!" Lily shrieked, pulling the stering wheel as James grabbed at it. James turned violently, crashing into the Moon Goddess Diana's castle. The Goddess ran out hurriedly, angry at being disturbed, holding a bow in hand. 

"Who goest yonder?" she cried savagely. 

"A ghost and two Angels along with a triplet of humans," Hermione said. "And for a Goddess, you're pretty snappy." 

"Sssh!!!! Do you honestly wanna die?!" Melissa hissed. "She can bow you and kill you right now! And I don't friggin' want to put up with you any longer then I have to!" 

"Honestly, dad, haven't you learnt to drive?" Harry said. 

"Shut up," James muttered, colouring a little. 

"He failed," Lily said, glaring at the blushing James. 

James, with Lily and Harry's aid, spun the stering wheel to turn it back to Earth. They hit a few passing chariots in which Mother Earth and Goddess Demete were in, which resulted in a few zaps of thunder and cried of agony. Soon, two Angels, one poltergeist, three boys and one girl and on their way to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Hogsmeade, Britian, Earth. 

Or so they thought. 

James was back on the track to Heaven. 

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Dun dun _duuuunnn_! 

Please take a few seconds to read and review? We love getting feedback on our stories! The next part shouldbe the last, but don't forget us, 'cause, since this has been so much fun, WE WILL BE BACK! MWAHAHHAHAAHAHAHAAA ::cough:: 

Bunny chan & Ginny :) 


	7. A Not-So Perfect Ending, For Two Perfect...

Love In Idleness

Even Angels Make Mistakes!

Chapter 7

By bunny chan & Ginny :)

This is the last chapter ::sob sob:: 

Since people asked, me [Ginny :)] and bunny chan meet up online [MSN or AIM... if anyone wants to chat to me, my AIM is Trillion86!], write a story- plan, and decide who writes what parts... I then write the first quarter or so, send it to bunny chan, who then continues and send it back to me... and so on... then I beta it and make sure it all fits together and stuff, and post it! Actually, it's more complicated then that, involving everything from bunny chan's computer crashing to me being forced to go to Art Galleries halfway through a conversation and losing plot- plans all over the place. It's amazing how anything ever gets done, but still... 

The next story is MWPP/ L ... and features some far stranger new characters... so make sure to check out 'Earth=98.5% Harmless'. 

Right... J. K Rowling owns Harry, Ron, Hermione, Neville, Lily, James, Voldemort, The Death Eaters, and anyone we forgot. I don't know who owns The Exorcist [although I would recommend it if you like a laugh], George Lucas owns Star Wars. I'm not even going to try and get into a debate about who owns Heaven, Apollo, etc. Goodness knows who owns Mary Sue. You Know Who definitely does not really own BHS, I don't know who does, but they're unlikely to sue me anyway. We own Melissa, Clover, Henny, and this fic. 

Enjoy this, the last part [::sob::] of _Even Angels Make Mistakes! _

~ bunny chan & Ginny :) ~ 

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Everyone breathed a sigh of relief as the chariot stopped rocking, diving and generally zooming around all over the place. 

"Right," James twiddled a knob, trying to look like he knew what he was doing, as he turned to his companions, "That's sorted. I think we'll do a lot better if everyone stops trying to help!" 

Hermione, who had been terrified a moment before, opened her eyes. The fluffy edge of Heaven loomed ahead. "Look out! Look out!!! We're heading the wrong way!!!" 

"What?!" James spun back to the controls, desperately wishing that he knew which buttons to press. As the others realised their apparent fate, all was chaos. 

"James Potter, you utter imbecile!" Lily shrieked. 

"Dad!" 

"Well, sorry! These things are impossible to steer! I didn't mean to!" 

"Bloody Hell, I knew you lot were useless, how did I get roped into this--?" 

"I'm going to throw up..." Ron squeezed his eyes shut and turned green. 

"Push that button there, the blue one!" Hermione ordered. 

"Don't tell me what to do, Miss Granger! I am perfectly capable!" 

"If we crash into Heaven, will we die?" There was a moments' silence. Then; 

"Oh, thankyou for that, Neville! Really reassuring!" 

"Sorry!" 

"If you die, boyo, it is totally not my fault! If you are friggin' stupid enough to be here--" 

"James!!!! For God's sake do something!!!!" 

The jumbled voices became a collective yell, as the Chariot hurtled towards Heaven full- tilt. The wind screamed and the sky roared past them and then... 

Poof! 

The chariot smacked into a cloud that had once upon a time been the shape of an ornamental tree, and fell to the ground, where causing a cloud of... well, cloud. They lay there for a moment. 

"Erm... sorry..." Came James' voice from somewhere at the front. 

"Is everyone all right?" Lily asked, pulling herself painfully to her feet. There was a tinkle of broken chariot. One of the wheels had fallen off, and was spinning gently a little way away. 

"Ow... my head..." Neville moaned, massaging an impressive bruise above his left eye. 

"I've been sick," Ron informed the world in general. 

"Ewwwww! Gross gross gross!" Melissa hauled herself up and away from him, neglecting her duty as Guardian Angel by totally ignoring Neville, and brushing herself down bad temperdly, "God! If these were my clothes I would be so pissed off!" 

Ron, looking pale, tottered to his feet, followed by Hermione, who helped Neville up, giving Melissa a disapproving look. Melissa replied to it with raised eyebrows. 

"Right..." Lily considered her companions, "James... Neville... Hermione... Ron... Melissa... Me... that's 6..." she paused, as if doing a double take, and cast her worried green eyes around once more, "Where's Harry?!" 

"He was next to me," said Ron, still very pasty faced, "But, er... he isn't now." 

"What?!" Lily began to push through the wreckage of Apollo's Chariot, helped by her husband, "He's got to be here! Harry?! Harry, where are you?!" 

There was no sign of him. Lily and James' faces were the colour of ash, as they searched frantically for their missing son. 

"We have to think logically about this!" Hermione informed them, her voice holding a rising note of panic, "He has to be somewhere!" 

"Maybe one or other of the local Angels have seen him?" Neville suggested, scanning Heaven's horizon, "Come to that..." he paused, thoughtfully, "Where are all the Angels?" 

There were none. Everyone exchanged worried glances, except Melissa, who had found a sugar tree on which bananas were growing. She was devouring the bananas one by one, with every sign of unconcerned enjoyment. 

"Oh, God..." Lily moaned, "I shouldn't have done this... I shouldn't have let--" but she never finished her sentence. The lone sound of Lily's desperate voice travelled over the cloudy wastes of Heaven, it was joined by another sound. Louder. Deeper. With an Edge. It made their air vibrate and the stomachs of the listeners shrink and writhe. The sound of mad laughter. 

There was the sound of the sharp intake of breath, as, without warning, the sky seemed to darken, striped with blood red. The clouds around them turned almost black. Lily stopped rambling completely, as several ominous dark figures rose, startlingly silhouetted against the deathly sky. 

There were about five figures, all tall except one, and as they grew closer, they became ever clearer. Whoever this was, Melissa thought, they liked style. She was vaguely impressed, although she felt that anyone would could laugh quite that madly, was probably several fruitcakes, half a dozen jam sandwiches, a packet of biscuits and a large colony of ants short of a picnic. Horror was frozen in the faces of each of her companions. 

The men were now close enough to see clearly. The one who was laughing, who was tall and lean, with red skin, blood-shot eyes and no nose, was only a few feet away now, flanked by his cronies. How could you be frightened of someone like that? He'd definitely gone over-board with the red make- up Melissa thought blankly. 

"It's You Know Who!" Lily's voice wavered. Tense fear lay every muscle of the beholders. Even Melissa had sense enough to know that this was Bad, even if the bloke did look funny. Mind you, Melissa had found 'The Exorcist' funny. It would make her day if You Know Who's head could spin around, like in that film... 

"What... what do you want?" James' voice sounded thin and unimportant compared to the mad laughter which now died away, "Where's Harry?" 

You Know Who smiled viciously, ignoring James, first turning to Lily, "Afraid to speak my name?" he hissed, his mouth full of rotting teeth, "Afraid to speak the name of Lord Voldemort?!" And he laughed again. 

"I can say your name! I just... I just don't choose to!" Lily tried to keep her voice from shaking, "I just don't... for, for the sake of Melissa here!" 

Melissa gave her a suspicious look, "How c-- Ow!" 

"Indeed? Hah!" More mad laughter. It was beginning to get irritating. 

"What have you done with my son?" James repeated, a little more loudly then before. Melissa could hear the hit and miss of Neville's breathing beside her. 

"Don't you worry, Mister Potter. I haven't hurt him... not yet, anyway. I think I would like some enjoyment out of this while I still can." 

"Where is he?" James demanded, "Give him back to us!" 

"He is... over there..." with a wave of the Dark Lord's bony hand, a flash of light lit up the space behind the watchers. About 50 feet away, lying still on the ground, was Harry. He tried to pull himself to his feet, but failed and fell back to the floor, letting out a cry. 

Melissa, who was getting irritated now, spoke up, "Oh this is stupid!" This was evidently an approach that Voldemort was not used to. He and his cronies turned to stare at her, "I mean," Melissa continued, aware that she had already died and so had nothing to be afraid of, "You think he's going to give Harry back to you, just because you tell him to?! We're going to win anyway, because we're the Good Guys. Do you not watch TV?! Anyway, you have bad grammar. It should be You Know Whom." 

"Um--" 

Melissa turned back to the others, "What's he gonna do, anyway? He can't kill us! We're already dead!" confidently, Melissa plucked a sweet banana from the tree near to her, just to prove that she couldn't care less about anything. Everything was hunky-dory. Voldemort continued to stare at her, his red eyes now slits of fury. 

"He can still kill Harry! Or Ron or Hermione or Neville!" James objected. 

"Ah." Melissa saw the flaw in the not-so-brilliant plan. 

"And he can still hurt us, you idiot! Two of the Unforgivable Curses will still work on us!" 

"Ah." 

As one, they all turned, and ran for it. 

"Wait! What about Harry?" Lily said after a while. 

"What about him?" Ron asked, "I think Melissa's right; he always escapes unharmed." 

"Like I said, don't you watch TV?" Melissa said irritably to Lily. 

"Don't leave me!!!" Harry's wail rang through the air from near by. Hermione glared. 

"We're not filming a television show!" Hermione said. "We'd better save him before he dies waiting to work super-miracles." 

"There's a whole load of yummy bananas there..." Melissa said dreamily, losing concentration again. James shuddered. 

"Do you eat absolutely anything?" he asked. "I mean, surely..." 

"It's DETOUR, you morons, DETOUR!!! MY SON IS IN DANGER!!!!" Lily yelled, pulling James's right ear painfully towards the direction they ran from. She could feel another exclamation mark coming on any moment now. 

"Ow, ow, ow..." 

Just then, the identical evil laughter of screeching vultures was heard, though there are barely any vultures in Heaven to be terrorised by Lord Voldemort and his Death Eaters. 

"MWAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Voldemort's evil laughter was heard echoing the gardens of Heaven. Now, he was definitely using too many exclamation marks... 

"I wonder why You-Know-Who came to Heaven," Neville said nervously. "I mean, God must be stronger than him, right? And why come to Heaven?" 

"You Know Who, You Know Who hell, that's all you people ever say! Don't you bloody well know that if Clover Evans is around, she'll have him in a snap?" Melissa scowled. 

"Harry!!! My darling baby!!!" Lily cried, ignoring Voldemort's cries of mad laughter. Harry, who was still on the clouds, groaned. 

"Mum, I'm a teenager now," he yelled. He paused, then realising that he was still in need of assistance of magic, "HELP!!!!!!" 

"MWAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAAA!!!!!!!!! YOU SHALL ALL SUFFER!!!!" 

"Aren't we already?" Ron said quizzically to Hermione. 

"Shut up," Hermione hissed. "It's amazing how bad guys and villains can come to Heaven, come to think of it! I guess you don't have to be sinless to come here!" 

"Mel's a beautiful example," Neville offered. His Guardian Angel was now lavishing bananas on the banana tree again, throwing the skins carelessly. Lily narrowed her eyes. 

"NO LITTERING IN HEAVEN!!!" she screeched. 

"Sheesh, you sound like your bloody twin sister," Melissa said, gobbling up more and more bananas at a go. Lily decided to ignore her. After all, Melissa Johnns had long ago made her way to Lily's hall of madness. 

"Harry, mummy's coming!" Lily called to her son, "Hold on! I love you, baby!" 

"Mum! HELP!!!" 

"MWAHAHHAAHAHAAHAHAHAA!!!!!!!!! Dream on, little girl!!!!!" Voldemort cackled. Lily ran towards Harry, intending to free him. 

"Hey, you need a wand, Lily," James called to his wife. Lily, realising her mistake, ran back to Hermione, snatched her wand from her, and ran back towards her son. 

Voldemort ran after her, raising his wand. 

Everyone gasped. 

Melissa was still eating bananas gleefully, still convinced that "good guys always win in books and TVs", and since there were no obvious beautiful heroines around to die, it looked as though there was no danger. She was fairly sure that the lines, 'Harry, I am your father' wouldn't crop up. At least, not from Voldemort. 

It was a tense moment. 

Voldemort ran after Lily, making long strides with his surprisingly short and skinny legs. Melissa found it very comical as Voldemort was practically jumping. She began laughing hysterically, the disgusting half-chewed banana remains in her mouth. 

Voldemort shot a resentful glare at her, hissing under his breath. Unbeknownst to him, he was at the restricted area of "Banana Skin Territory of Melissa Daphne Johnns". 

Lily was halfway freeing Harry. Everyone gasped, as Voldemort came closer towards them. 

Closer 

Closer 

Closer 

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!" Voldemort yelled, stepping on one of the stray skin of Melissa's eaten bananas, and toppled to the floor. A resounding crack was heard from Voldemort. Melissa burst into peals of laughter. James and Ron roared gleefully, Hermione giggled, Neville rolled over, Harry (now freed) was laughing helplessly. Lily was busy picking herself up, and fussing over her 'darling baby boy'. 

Voldemort lay unconscious on the floor. 

"HA HA HA HA HA!" James, Harry, Neville, Ron and Melissa roared, Lily still clucking round like a mother hen. Voldemort's accomplices exchanged glances, unsure of what to do. One topic that had obviously not been covered at Death Eater meetings, had been how to react to the Dark Lord knocking himself unconscious by falling over a banana skin. They turned-- and ran. 

There came a cheer as the last of the Death Eaters disappeared from view. 

"Wow!" Neville looked impressed, "We defeated You Know Who!" 

"Cool!" 

"See, I told you. I _said_ we'd win--" 

"Yeah yeah yeah... go us!" 

"Oh, Harry, baby, my duck, are you all right?" 

"Urgh... yes, mum..." 

"One thing," Ron interrupted, "is, how are we going to get back to Hogwarts?" Everyone stared over in the direction of Apollo's Chariot. It was, very definitely, unflyable. It was in pieces, smashed and twisted on the ground. James, however, grinned. 

"Hey, you don't think I honestly didn't think of that before, do you?" 

"What?" Ron frowned, "I don't get what you mean..." 

James grinned even more broadly, "Look over there, then." 

As they watched, rising over the horizon, was another chariot. It was large, white, and what's more, someone was driving it. As it came closer, it became evident that that someone was Clover Evans. 

"It's Clover!" cried Lily, apparently delighted, but then she frowned, "Couldn't you have got someone else, James? I mean, you know what she's like..." 

"Too true," Melissa, who had been shamelessly eavesdropping, chipped in, "She should be locked up for child abuse. She hit me with her harp! And you know what?! It friggin' hurt! I've still got the effing bruise!" 

James sighed, "I knew this would happen. Look, you can come with Clover and the rest of us, or you can stay here." 

"James Potter, you really--" 

The chariot had landed next to them, and Clover sat there watching, in sour faced silence. 

"Right, come on then you lot," James continued, "Ron, you can sit there, Neville, stop doing that. Hermione, help Harry up, there's a lass..." 

"No, wait!" Lily cried, "I'm coming!" She pulled herself over the side, followed closely by Melissa, who decided not to say anything, but gave Clover a look of intense dislike as she 'accidentally' scratched the paintwork on the side of the chariot with her shoe. 

"I honestly don't know why I'm agreeing to this," Clover informed them dryly, once they were all settled, "But I suppose I couldn't leave you cluttering up Heaven. I mean, look what you've done to it." 

They looked. Sugared banana skins, trodden down sweet- rose bushes, wreckage of chariots, and the remains of a tree or two rather spoilt the usually carefully mentioned fluffy landscape of Heaven. The unconscious body of the Dark Lord didn't do a lot for it, either. 

"Yes, yes, very nice," said James hastily, "Save us the lecture and get us back to Hogwarts, would you?" 

"Charming," Clover snapped, as the chariot shot up into the darkening sky, "Absolutely charming." 

~*~ 

Silence hung heavy over the desolated landscape of Heaven. Not a thing stirred. The wind failed to move the branches of the trees, but only because most of the said trees were no longer standing. The Dark Lord opened his eyes, and pulled himself to his feet. Oh, god... how incredibly embarrassing! 

And being accidentally knocked unconscious by an inept 14 year old Angel, whose name wasn't even Mary Sue wasn't the worst thing... the worst thing, was what would happen when they got back to Earth. When they got back to Earth, and told Uncle Albus about everything. It was well- known that Albus Dumbledore was the only wizard that Lord Voldemort had ever been afraid of. For years, Voldemort had lived in fear of his Uncle. He knew, that when his mother--Dumbledore's sister--had passed on, she had left certain embarrassments to her brother, in the shape of... baby photos. 

If Dumbledore found out that his nephew had been causing trouble again, he would surely spread the photos all round Hogwarts, and onto the rest of the wizarding world. He, The Dark Lord, Lord Voldemort, You Know Who, Tom Marvolo Riddle, would become a laughing stock! 

There was, in Voldemort's opinion, nothing worse then a certain picture, showing a three year old Tom Riddle, wearing a blue sailor suit, a white straw hat perches jauntily on his black curls, his bewitchingly blue eyes turned angelically to the camera, in an attitude of sickly sweetness. 

What made it worse, was that a charm had been put on the photos. They were indestructible. He might as well give up his career of Lord Of The Universe right now. Show his face ever again, and he'd be laughed at, surely. 

Voldemort pulled himself dejectedly to his feet, and shambled off, never to be seen again, until he became marketing manager of a British chainstore, called BHS. And that, children, is why BHS never, ever has any bananas in stock. At all. 

~*~ 

"Thanks a lot, Clover! I'll see ya sometime when I go back to Heaven!" James called out to his wife's sister. The Angel scowled in reply. 

"I'd rather you not come back at all," she said. 

"Angels don't talk that way," Lily chided her sister. "You idiot, you should be more _polite_!" Melissa, over-hearing these words, let out an annoying cackle. 

"Oh yeah? Speak for yourself, sister!" Clover snapped. "You brought this group to Heaven and now us Angels up there have to do a great clean-up now. You ought to repair all my trodden bushes of roses, you know!" Lily made a face and ignored her. Hermione let out a gasp. 

"I just realised something!" she said. "We're back on Earth... and we can still see Harry's mother and aunt!" 

Ron snorted. "Well yeah, why not? " 

"They're Angels! And we couldn't see them before!" Neville tapped her shoulder. 

"Erm, you forgot that I could," he said. 

"Yes, yes, but we can now see Lily Potter and Clover Evans!" Hermione said impatiently. "Don't you get what this means?" The three wizards exchanged glances. 

"We, um, are dead?" Harry suggested finally. 

"No, you silly! We've been to Heaven while we're still alive, so... we must have picked up the Gift!! That Gift to see Angels!!! Oh, I'll have so much to ask... The history of the sun, the Earth, the planets..." Hermione rambled on about the secrets of the universe. 

Ron turned to Harry. "She's right. We CAN see Angels now. Would that be a good thing, do you think?" 

"Well I--" 

"Good? That'll be bad! I mean, look what Mel did to me." Neville cried. 

"She saved us." Ron protested. Neville paused. 

"Um right. Guess she's not that bad after all." Melissa glared at him. 

"What d'you mean? I'm a flippin'great Guardian Angel to save you from that bloody Lord guy!" she yelled. "You know you ought to be more gratified with that!" Neville fell silent. Melissa went on, "After that bloody Hell of a time you guys had, ignoring my brilliant theory of 'Good Guys Always Win' and all, I deserve some gratitude! And I--" 

"Okay, okay! I'm thankful!" Neville said helplessly. "To show you this, er, how about we be friends?" 

"Oh, so you want to be my bloody friend now that I'd saved your pitiful world--" 

"Will you or will you not?" Neville said impatiently. 

"Fine. FINE! I will!" She paused, "... You're not that bad, either," Melissa added, rather pompously. "I mean, no-one could put up with me for that long time without getting themselves near Hell. Also, you DID help. In a way. I did most of the dirty work, though." 

"If I'm not wrong, we're having potions now," Hermione said, looking at her watch, "And we've missed half the lesson..." 

"I think Severus isn't going to love me if I come in late," James said intelligently. "Neither you any more. And now that you can see us, you should make use of your communication, ah, skills to get some ghosts to transport you there." 

"Dad, we're mortals," Harry said. 

"Wizards. Harry, it's WIZARDS. Not Muggles." 

"I said MORTALS. And we can't pass through walls." 

"You could try." 

"No, we shouldn't." 

"Leave that to me," Melissa said confidently. "I know a great way." 

"As a friend, you are taking the role pretty fast," Neville said in surprise. After all, Melissa was usually the type to leave things till the very last minute. His Guardian Angel snarled at him. "Then again, maybe not," he added timidly. 

"Clover, you'd better give me back my things," Melissa said to the angel in the chariot. "I mean, I bought them at a great cost! Do you know how much that Gucci top was?!" 

"I'll minus 500 points from your demerit if I weren't ordered to award you 100 000 for protecting Harry Potter." 

Melissa grinned happily at this news. 

"No-one's allowed to minus your demerits for a week," Clover continued, sulkily handing over a leather jacket, a pair of hoop earrings, a short skimpy skirt and her white top. 

Melissa laughed cruelly at Clover's predicament. That way, she, Melissa Daphne Johnns, would bump off the entire Angel population in just a week. Not that she had worried over those measly demerits anyway, but not being allowed to minus points meant no bashings on head with harps and yells and so on. Hahahahaha. 

"We need to get back to class," Lily said urgently. 

"'We'?" James said. "Are you still in school?" 

"No, but my son is. Hurry up, Harry, precious!" 

"Oh yeah. Potions," Melissa said in remembrance. "C'mon people. I have some serious stuff to settle with that teacher." 

"Why must we follow her?" Hermione groaned. 

"Lily! Make sure that rodent of a girl doesn't cause anymore trouble!" Clover called. 

~*~ 

The group reached potions after thirty minutes. Professor Snape looked as if someone had fried an egg on his oily hair and his face was purple in colour. This was normal. 

James, noticing that Harry, Ron, Hermione and Neville were too busy being scared to face the Potions Master, decided to greet his arch-enemy first. 

"Severus! It's simply a dah-ling to see you again!" James said, grinning broadly in his pearly white form. 

"Move away, Potter. Potter, Granger, Weasley, Longbottom, detention and forty points from Gryffindor," Professor Snape snapped. 

"Why Severus! I've completed school! I even have a certificate to prove it!" James said in an astonished tone of mockery. Neville felt like laughing. 

"Mister, you listen up here! We'd just saved this bleedin' friggin' world from some monster you're afraid of. Put off your post and just let someone else get it! I mean, you couldn't even teach Chemistry, and I bet that you hardly even know that you can breathe on the moon!" Melissa yelled, pushing the Professor's head sharply. 

"You can't!" Muttered Hermione. 

"I can." 

"Ah." 

And since angels have the power to move items and heads, Professor Snape's neck went crack. 

"Oops." 

"Violent, aren't you?" Hermione said. 

"_Who pushed me_?" Professor Snape yelled. His class froze in their mid-boiling. No one answered. Deciding to ignore all this rubbish, he hissed to the newcomers, "Start boiling your potions. NOW." 

The four hurriedly scrambled to the tables, leaving James to begin playing Footsies with his old enemy. Thankfully for their ability to talk to Angels, they managed to get a scrape of what they're suppose to do from one Henny the Angel. 

"all right, one drop of bat stings," Neville mumbled. Melissa was inspecting a curiously yellow-purple liquid when Neville was speaking. In act of rash and thought of crime-caught, Melissa squirted the whole tube of the liquid into the black cauldron. Neville had hardly noticed a thing. Playing innocent, Melissa threw the tube away and pretended to inspect the Potions book. 

"Neville, have you any idea that your potion's bearing resemblance to, um, a monster?" Harry, Neville's potions partner of the moment, said uneasily. Neville turned around. 

"AAAAAH!" he and the half of the class yelled out, when a grey-green slug-look-alike emerged from Neville's cauldron. "MELISSA!" Neville yelled. Everyone stared at him blankly. Even Snape froze in his steps. 

"What?" Melissa said innocently. Too innocently. 

"What did you throw into my potion? Admit it!" 

"Who are you talking to, boy?" Snapped Snape. Neille ignored him. 

Sheepishly, Melissa produced the empty tube she had thrown. On the label was written "Monster Bubbling Medicine: Concoct It Specially For Enemies." 

"CAN'T YOU LEAVE MY THINGS ALONE?" Neville cried in exasperation, drawing everyone's attention and freezing everyone's activity. Even Snape stared at him in surprise. Longbottom never yell nor cry nor say anything so boldly. 

"Yes! I mean no! I mean I was just curious!" 

"ARGH!! I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS!" 

"YOU STARTED FLIPPING- WELL YELLING!" 

"YOU'RE A DEAD USLESS GUARDIAN ANGEL!" Neville nearly yelled. 

"You're a bloody piece of flesh," Melissa informed him dryly. 

"Freaking lousy Angel!" This drew amused glances from the Slytherin house. 

"Bone bag with a life not worth living for." 

"WE'RE OFF!" 

"FINE! You're some lousy client, too!" 

Harry stared helplessly at his mother. Lily just sighed. 

Melissa and Neville continued to hurl abuse at each other. Harry, Ron, Hermione, Lily and James grinned slightly at each other. Neville and Melissa would never admit to being friends... but they made the perfect pair of enemies you could ever wish to meet. 

THE END 

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That was the last part! Please, take a little time to review? Tell us what you thought of the story! We're assuming, if you read this far, that you enjoyed it [Unless you were only reading it to find out all those wonderful Cockney swear words], and even if you didn't, give us your opinions! 

Here's a plug for our next fic, another out-of-this-world story, by us... 

_Light-years from home, lost in a place that they can't understand, Shifuga and Kezapi need help. From anyone. And anyone MEANS  anyone... If the Marauders thought that life was crazy before, they're in for one heck of a shock..._

_EARTH=98.5% USELESS_

Please read & Review! 

Bunny chan & Ginny :) 


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